2. Watch Dawson's Creek. Silently cry.
3. Place a Craigslist ad for "Up and coming actress looking to become A-list. Five year contract available."
4. Tell your girlfriend that having sex with her is "mission impossible."
5. Blackmail your gay friends.
6. Have a picture taken with your girlfriend while standing on a footstool.
7. Hire someone to tape you saying all the shit you would never want anyone to know about ever. Agree to keep giving them hundreds of dollars a month for the rest of your life.
8. Buy a copy of "Battlefield Earth."
9. Go to a volcano. Look for Thetans.
10. Jump up and down on your couch, telling yourself you are happy and not bi-polar.