September 11th, 2018

A Day At The Hospital

So on Sunday I rub my eyes and see double for a few minutes. Wash my eye out and see everything fine. But Monday morning go to my actual doctor for like a rinse for my eye.

Instead he tells me it's all probably fine and I should go right away to the hospital and get a MRI just to be sure.

"Don't worry," he said. "It will only take a half hour."

Holy Jesus God was he wrong.

Over the next 14 hours I was kept in a place at the hospital without food or water (both of which can interfere with their tests.)

Thankfully even though I've been vaping I bought a pack of cigarettes (part of deal with doctor to get me to go) because fuck if there was anything else to do.

Anyway the pattern went like this.

Got in. Seen immediately.

They did tests.

An hour and a half or two hours goes by.

They come out and do more tests.

None of these are the MRI I was sent for.

The third test I thought was a MRI but apparently was an actual brain scan.

Anyway these were entirely student doctors.

After about 10 hours (and who knows how many tests. Eight? Nine? Lord knows) I finally get a real doctor.

Who says:

"You should get a MRI."

I'm like "Dude that's what I came for but actually I'm fucking ghosting on you guys at this point."

He talks me into it.

Another couple hours go bye.

Finally get it.

Another hour goes bye.

I get a different doctor.

I'm like "hey what happened to my original doctor?"

She's like "his shift was over."

I'm like "OK Fine. Am I dying?"

She's like "No. We are 95% sure you are fine. Aren't you happy you got the MRI?"

I'm like "Yeah, but I"m not happy about the bazzilion other tests you gave me. And can I please get this needle that you seriously have used like eight times to drip weird fluid in me out of my arm?"

She's like "I'll have someone get that out of you right away."

I'm like "I'd really appreciate that since I've been here for 14 hours now."

Anyway like a half hours goes by and nobody turns up to take it out.

So I decided to take the initiative and gently pull it out myself.

This causes a geyser of blood to spill all across the waiting room and anyone within five feet of me.

Withing two seconds they are out bandaging me up and telling me I can leave.