February 11th, 2015

Top 10 Reasons Jon Stewart Is Leaving The Daily Show

1.  Secret affair with George W. Bush.

2. Realized that Rand Paul is right about everything.

3. The African American mafia that controls the media was done with him.

4. The Noodle Incident

5. To become a member of The Real World cast.

6. Wanted to make room for Lindsay Lohan's superior news analysis.

7. Has become the newest guitarist for Slayer.

8. Realized he's interviewed every interesting human being on Earth.

9. To join the priesthood.

10. Kayne West told him to.