October 12th, 2014

Mr. Information - Recovery

I would like to know people's opinions about dating and having relationships with people in recovery. Would your readers date a sober alcoholic (let's say someone who hasn't had a drink for 12-18 months), and when would they expect that the person would disclose their status? What about getting into a more serious relationship - would you be hesitant to get involved with someone with prior alcohol or other substance abuse issues? Does it make a difference if it's alcohol or if it's an illegal drug?

Also, how would you feel about knowing the person you're dating or in a relationship sees a therapist regularly?

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I'll hit your last question first. If someone is seein a therapist regularly they would probably make a great dating partner. I think that pretty much everyone should be seeing a therapist. We all have shit that can be worked on. Plus, seeing a therapist is a brave thing to do and requires a lot of hard work. What's not to like about somone with courage willing to work hard to better themselves?

As to the first question it all depends on what you can tolerate. If you like getting fucked up, being with someone who can't get fucked up might be a problem. You'll tempt them and they'll get bored when you are fucked up and they are not. But, if you are willing to be cool around them and not put them in awkward situations why not date them. Like with the second question it takes courage to give up addictive substances - don't you want someone brave?

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Got a question for a drunk? Use your burner account to email bcalendar@aim.com or post an annoymous comment!

Gone Girl Review

Just like the book David Fincher's Gone Girl delievers a story that is very entertaining until you think about the social and political implications it provides. If this movie had come out 15 years ago, when society was different, I'd say it was excellent. Sadly, it came out in 2014 instead.

Right now we live in a political climate where men's rights activists routinely say that women:

1. Don't really like sex, but just fake liking it long enough to  trap a guy into marriage.

2. Will pretend to be someone they are not to trap a guy into marriage.

3. Routinely make false rape accusations.

4. Will trick a dude into being a father  whether he wants to be or not.

5. Want to manipulate men in order to turn them into Ken dolls.

6. Will destroy a man's life at a whim - with the full support of the system.

7. Consider men to be so dumb that it's fine to do all this stuff because they know what's best for them.

All of these claims are completely validated by this film. The movie (just like the book) seems to think that women use their vaginas as weapons against men to get what they want.

What's intriguing is that the core audience for the book and  movie are women themselves. The box office results show that - and at the screening I was just at there were two other dudes in theather and about 150 women.  I can only conclude that Margaret Atwood was right in The Robber Bride when she claimed that women hate women more than men hate women.

That said, until we get to all the MRA bullshit there are some cool things going on in the movie. It does a great job at showing how the media can make people love you or hate - and and how quickly people can turn on you. It is beautifully shot. And  Ben Affleck finally seems to be really acting again instead of going paint by numbers.  Hell, Fincher even manages to make us feel sympathy for his lying sack of shit character (mostly by having every woman in the film eventually betray him in some way.)

The twists and turns are worthy of Hitchcock and while the movie is nearly three hours long it goes very quickly.

Still, I can't endorse a film that eventually concludes that if you, as a woman, are honest with men you'll end up alone, but if you are wiiling to lie to them, manipulate them and treat them as though they are just puppets (a metaphor that is actually in this movie) you'll end up married with childen and get everything you want.

Exercise Works

Yesterday, when my cat peed on my long pants that were drying I figured it was a good excuse to go out and buy a couple pairs of fall pants.

Last year, I bought size 48. This year after trying on pants I ended up buying size 44. And I could squeeze into size 42 - but they were a bit tight.

This makes me think that walking a minimum of 10,000 steps at least three times a week for the past three months has accomplished something.

Now I want to get a membership at the local pool and swim two or three times a week to see if that will help even more. The problem that has kept me from doing so is that they require you to wear speedos and I'm a grower not a shower and am phobic I'll look like a girl without boobs.

Hopefully I'll get over that soon.