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August 22nd, 2014

What Happens When You Put A Bald Man On The Front Page

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Who Wouldn't Want This Dude?

The crazy is strong in this guy's Elance post looking for someone to help him get laid.

Hi! Currently looking for somebody to manage my OKCupid profile as a "dating assistant." The goal is to find girls that match the criteria below, then send messages to them, talk to/flirt with them, and setup 20 minute coffee meetings.

Here are the instructions for the job:

Step 1: Review my Facebook and OkCupid profile and make a list of 10 things that describe me

For instance:

1. Can be a homebody

2. Is a foodie

3. Is from Idaho

4. Loves his dog named Ray

5. Wants to do a 10k soon

6. Loves country music

7. Is a nurse

8. Has a picture in front of a waterfall

9. Has a picture playing the piano in a concert hall

10. Likes to play tennis

Once you have created that list from my profile, send it over for me to review.

Next step is finding profiles:

Step 2: Search OkCupid for the type of girl listed out below

Type of girl to find:

1. Match percentage over 80%

2. Lives in Manhattan (under 80th street) or Brooklyn, NY, USA

3. Mentions her job or work in the profile

4. Is attractive or fairly attractive (use your best judgement here)

Step 3: Research

Once you've sent over the profiles for my approval and I approve, create a list of 10 things that describe each girl based on the text and images in her profile (like the exercise outlined in step 1).

For instance:

1. Can be a homebody

2. Is a foodie

3. Is from Idaho

4. Loves her dog named Ray

5. Wants to do a 10k soon

6. Loves country music

7. Is a nurse

8. Has a picture in front of a waterfall

9. Has a picture playing the piano in a concert hall

10. Likes to play tennis

Send the lists over to me for approval.

Step 4: Initial Message

After the lists of interests have been reviewed, draft a message for each girl using the following format, using her interests as a guide:

(1-2 sentence story about me as it relates to her - using info from step 1) + (question about a different topic from her profile - using the info from step 3)

For example:

"That waterfall picture is amazing! Last time I went under one (in Toronto) I could only stay for a couple minutes because it was so freezing. Where is that?"

Send the list of first messages to me for review and approval before sending.

Step 5: Message exchange

After this initial message, draft a response based on this formula:

(Reply to her answer with a 1-2 sentence story about me as it relates to her - using info from step 1) + (question about a different topic from her profile - using the info from step 3)

Message back and forth between 3-6 times, then send her this message.

(Reply to her answer with a 1-2 sentence story about me as it relates to her using info from step 1). "We should totally grab coffee sometime! There's a great place near Prospect Park - text me and we'll set it up! My number is (XXX-XXX-XXXX). What's your real name by the way? :P"

You can also break this format if you feel confident in your online messaging abilities, but the goal of the last message is to get her to text my phone - I will let you know if you were successful, and then hopefully we'll do it again!

If that sounds like something you can do, please reply, and please include "I love dating" in your response to this message so I can tell you read the whole message.

Thanks!

Up And Down

Every feel like jerking off with another dude but not had another dude around?

The SynkJack is for you.

Link is obviously not safe for work.

Star Wars Despecialized Edition Review

Yep. They did make it just like the original Star Wars and yep it is better.

Beyond getting to see Han shoot first the biggest change is realizing how much CGI Lucas put in the future editions of the film. The special effects are much less sleek than in the Special Editions but much cooler because they look like work went into them.

Also, C-3P0 and the tech in general is much more beat up than in the Special Editions which makes it much cooler at the end when the droids are buffed up.

Some scenes are somewhat grainy but they may have been grainy when I was 8 years old as well. Who knows?

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