February 4th, 2014

The Drunk's Guide To Drugs

In honor of Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Alcohol. Yes, it will turn you into an asshole at times and make some of your mornings suck. But, it generally tastes good and allows you to communicate with the shitheap that is most of humanity without crying.

Pot. Like being paranoid and hungry? Love cartoons? Have a job/spouse that doesn't care if you are super lazy, then this harmless drug is the one to go to.

Shrooms. Four hours of seeing the world from a different perspective. Colors! Sounds! Downside is that Phish and Prog Rock will suddenly make sense and do you really want to be that person?

LSD. Shrooms with lots of shitty chemicals and it lasts far longer than shrooms and you'll really wish it was done before it is done.

Cocaine. Will make you feel like a god and will get you laid - but not with anyone you'd ever really want to get laid with. If you are a girl get ready to be sucking the dick of some sketchball you may call a "boyfriend" simply because he has access to coke. If you are a dude get ready to go broke. Will certainly eventually turn you into a complete asshole either way.

Heroin. Make sure your grandma has a nice television and you know where the local pawnshop is before you try it. Also, buy burglars tools in advance.

Meth. No teeth, psychotic rage, live in squalor. Male or female you'll find yourself sucking dick for it (which is easier once your teeth fall out.)

Ecstasy. God, do you really, really want to like techno? And to need to walk around with a pacifier in your mouth so you don't grind your teeth? Plus, smart drug dealers mix heroin into it now to get you hooked on a brand new drug!

Deep Thoughts

People are upset that Stephen King said Dylan Farrow's accounts of being molested as a child are "palatable bitchery."

Need I remind people that this is the author who thought that a serial gang bang of a 12 year old girl was the best way to get rid of evil in one of his most famous books?

American Hustle

Well, this is going to be an interesting Oscar year. So far all three of the contenders I've seen - Wolf Of Wall Street, Capt. Phillips and American Hustle - I've liked.

American Hustle is a really fun film - perhaps too fun, in that what makes it fun is that it's like watching Goodfellas again. And, that's the downside, it's trying way too hard to actually be Goodfellas.

But, other than that it's a good film and a good ride. Christian Bale and Amy Adams are perfect. Bradley Cooper isn't quite as good, but it's unfair to put almost any actor in a room with Bale and Adams and have them not seem like the weaker actor.

What makes this film worth watching is just watching Bale's character try to keep on top of everything. He spent most of his life running short cons involving at most one or two other people - where he could control every step of the operation. Now he suddenly has to run a long con involving dozens of support people and he can't master every string. Beyond that, instead of ripping off small business owners in Long Island, he's tasked to rip off members of Congress and the Mob. That would put anyone on edge.

The running theme of the film is that everything is a con - we con ourselves, we con others and we get conned - and that whoever can run the best con at a given moment will win.

Finally, if they ever had an Academy Award for Best Uncredited Cameo this film wold win it in a heartbeat.