December 29th, 2011

Fucking Banks

So, my four year old debit card has gotten old and become unreliable. Essentially it works at places that have brand new card machines but if the card machine is a bit old or twitchy doesn't work. So, I called up my bank Tuesday and asked them if they could send me a new card.

After some dithering where they kept telling me I could just walk into any branch and get a new card instead of getting one sent and me explaining that there are no Wells Fargo branches in France and them thinking I was making that up they agreed to send me one, telling me it would get here in "five to 10 days but maybe longer since we don't have any guidelines for sending cards to France."

I asked them if my current card would still work until I got and activated my new card and they assured me it would.

This morning I go to take out half the rent which is due Saturday. I have to take it out in 50 percent increments because my rent is 590 euros and the maximum cash I can take out in a 24 hour period is 300 euros.

The FUCKING ATM ATE MY CARD AND TOLD ME IT WAS AT MY "BANK'S REQUEST."

Normally, since Rome Girl has a card tied to that account too it wouldn't be that much of a big deal - but she's going to Rome Friday morning.

Fuck me!

Called Wells Fargo. They said that it has to be the French bank's fuck up because they never issue orders to have ATMs eat cards and as far as they can tell my card was still active when I tried to use it. But, she said that the French bank immediately reported my card as "lost" which caused their system to cancel it permanently.

So, now I just have to wait until my new card shows up.

They were willing to raise the maximum withdrawal rate on Rome Girl's card. So, what we are going to do is take out the full rent today, then she's going to take out enough cash to get through a week in Rome on and leave me her card. Then, when my card shows up I'll FedEx her card to her in Rome. And, if my card takes longer than that I'll Western Union her cash in Rome. (Luckily she has virtually no expenses in Rome other than cigarettes because her and her friends spend most of their time eating pasta and playing card games.)

Still, a royal pain in the ass and I'm lucky that my local shops and bars know about Rome Girl and therefore won't be like "why the fuck are you using that card - that's clearly not your name on it."

Wash Your Pussy

A new study claims that adults who have never had cats or allergies before can develop cat allergies if they adopt a cat.

Now, it's fairly clear that the people who made this study have never owned or interacted with a cat.

How do I know this? Because their advice to minimize developing a cat allergy is to wash your cat once a week.

WTF?

Trust me on this one - don't ever, ever try to wash your cat. There will be blood. You will end up in a battle you will lose. Plus, do you really want your family to know that you were murdered by a small pet?

Break On Through To The Other Side

Robbie Williams is quoted in the Telegraph today as saying that while he's straight he'd let a guy fuck him up the ass for $3 million.

That seems like a lot of money to be for what would probably be at most 30 to 60 minutes worth of work (and probably much less.)

But, who knows, maybe I just have far, far fewer morals then the rest of us.

Which begs the questions - what's your price for switching teams for one encounter?


Poll #1806840 Going To The Other Side

Straight Dudes/Lesbian Women How Much Money Would It Take To Let A Dude Fuck You Up The Ass?

$500
1(3.4%)
$1,000
4(13.8%)
$5,000
4(13.8%)
$50,000
5(17.2%)
$100,000
2(6.9%)
$1 million
6(20.7%)
$3 million
2(6.9%)
N/A
4(13.8%)
Other
1(3.4%)

Straight Girls/Gay Men How Much Money Would It Take To Get You To Eat Pussy?

$500
4(18.2%)
$1,000
1(4.5%)
$5,000
2(9.1%)
$50,000
1(4.5%)
$100,000
0(0.0%)
$1 million
0(0.0%)
$3 million
0(0.0%)
N/A
10(45.5%)
Other
4(18.2%)