December 26th, 2011

Facebook Has Targeted Me

So, I checked Facebook tonight and for some reason there was an ad that read:

"Engage her... naturally. An eco-conscious artisan shop creating wooden wedding rings made from salvaged wood. On your special day, give her wood!"

I made the mistake of quoting this ad in a status update because I thought it was funny and I'm the least eco-friendly, hippy into the idea of marriage dude in the world.

I then clicked on the link and was amused to find out that the wood used in making the rings is "salvaged from old xylophone keys."

I made the mistake of quoting that as well.

Now, Facebook clearly thinks I'm a dirty hippy because all my ads are for building old log cabin in the woods, how to live without electricity, how to produce your own electricity and "ways to learn how to harness the Buddha through word carving."

The Lifecycle Of Live Journal

Any time there are changes to anything on Live Journal.

Step One: Change begins to be implemented without any announcement to the userbase.

Step Two: People start blogging about the changes. Half the people don't know what they are talking about.

Step Three: The people who have actually seen the changes and people who have only heard about the changes start blogging about how the changes suck.

Step Four: Suddenly tons of people blog that Live Journal is dying.

Step Five: People start signing up for Dreamwidth accounts.

Step Six: Live Journal finally posts a "News" item talking about the changes and swearing they care about your concerns.

Step Seven: More posts appear with kicker lines reading "Originally posted at Dreamwidth. You can comment there or here."

Step Eight: No comments are ever made at Dreamwidth.

Step Nine: People continue to post at Live Journal as though nothing has happened.

Anytime Live Journal has a DDos or any other technical problem.

Step One: People start blogging about the problem. Half the people don't know what they are talking about.

Step Two: Suddenly tons of people blog that Live Journal is dying.

Step Three: People start signing up for Dreamwidth accounts.

Step Four: Live Journal finally posts a "News" item talking about the problem and swearing they care about your concerns.

Step Five: More posts appear with kicker lines reading "Originally posted at Dreamwidth. You can comment there or here."

Step Six: No comments are ever made at Dreamwidth.

Step Seven: People continue to post at Live Journal as though nothing has happened.

The Harvest

(AP) -- Various front running GOP candidates - including Gov. Rick Perry, Newt Gingrich, Khal Drogo and Bart Calendar - lashed out yesterday at regulations that would keep them off the ballot in the upcoming Virginia presidential primary election.

"If the name Drogo is not on the ballot, the people of Virgina will know the wrath of my khalasar," the Khal said. "My men will burn every blade of grass, rape every woman and take the members of the Virginia state legislature as our slaves. I will personally cut off the braid of Governor Bob McDonnell."

Calendar, a newcomer to the race who fled America during the reign of "Mad King" George W. Bush, only to return and reclaim his land after the regent was unseated by Barack "Kingslayer" Obama had a less violent but equally impassioned response.

"The decision of the Republican Party Of Virginia was clearly paid for with Lannister gold," Calendar said. "Tywin Lannister wants a golden crown. The Khal and I have spoken and reached out to his campaign and offered to meet with him and give him one. So far he has refused to send his bannermen to talk to us. I take this as a tacit admission of his corruption of the political system."

Gingrich agreed that leaving off the names of prominent candidates like himself demonstrates that Lannister is part of the corrupt "inside the beltway" system that has been designed to keep forward thinking people who would rock the establishment out of Washington.

"Lannister is not only in the pocket of Wall Street fat cats," Gingrich said, "we have evidence that he may have provided much of the financing that actually created our nation's budget deficit in the first place. On this day I challenge him to single combat on any field of honor of his choice."

Texas Governor Rick Perry vowed to drink wine and hunt boar until the Virginia Republican Party changes its mind.

"Do you remember your first kill," he asked a reporter from Reuters at a press conference, "Nobody tells you they shit themselves. They don't write songs about that."

Lannister, Lord of Casterly Rock, Shield of Lannisport and Warden of the West denied he had any connection to the Virgina ballot decision.

"It is not our place to challenge the decision of the Small Council," he said while his men assembled four new pikes on the walls of Casterly Rock. "I would just remind my honorable opponents to watch their tongue because a Lannister always pays his debts."