December 22nd, 2011

From The Freelance Job Boards

Project Description:

We are compiling an e-book of real life vampire encounters. We need a 1500-2500 word story about your personal interaction with a vampire. It would be best if you were under 25 years old.

I Have Figured Out George Lucas' Evil Plan

Today in the Place de la Comedie they erected a giant billboard for "The Phantom Menace Special Edition In 3D Coming February 8th."


I hate that fucking movie from the bottom of my soul. But, you know what, I'll fucking be there on Feb. 8 to see it anyway.

Why? Because other Star Wars fan boys are going to be bitching about on their blogs and stuff and I'll want to bitch about it too, but I'd feel like a shit if I complained about it without seeing it, because, I do think it's wrong to judge a piece of work if you have not experienced that work.

So, there is George Lucas' genius. He has angered us so much that we will pay him money to see things we know we will hate just so we can complain about them being fucked up - even if it's a movie we've all seen before.

Palpatine would be proud.

The Weirdest 99 Percenter Ever

Ok, so there is this guy who set up a website where he offered to donate his sperm to any couple who couldn't afford to buy sperm - saying he was going it to help the "99 percent."

His sperm has led to at least 14 couples getting babies but the government has ordered him to stop sending people his jizz through the mail. Fair enough, but now it gets weird.

It turns out that he calls himself a "donorsexual." And, yet, that's not the strangest thing.

The strangest thing is that he videotapes himself jerking off into the donor cups and post those videos on the web. And, yet, even that is not the oddest thing.

When he jerks off on video into the donor cups he uses frozen packages of organic blueberries to whack off with.