November 18th, 2011

What Kind Of Wood Doesn't Float?

Man reopening the Natalie Wood death investigation is going to be tabloid heaven all over again. Just consider it:

1. Two bisexual dudes and a woman alone on a boat on a holiday weekend.

2. One of the men was already cheating on his wife with Jill St. John - who he would marry a few months later.

3. All three parties doing tons of booze and Quaaludes.

4. One of the dudes is Christopher Walken - who, lets face it, looks and talks like a murderer.

5. Almost certainly a threesome was going on - and the mental image of someone as Snow White looking as Natalie Wood getting fucked by Christopher Walken while Robert Wagner watched and jerked off is only outmatched in weirdness by the mental image of Christopher Walken fucking Robert Wagner while Natalie watched and jilled off.

6. Completely fucked up Walken and Wagner then fighting over Natalie with Walken screaming about how Natalie needs to give up her entire life for art.

7. The unstated, but clearly implied, defense that Wagner and Walken were too busy fucking each other to hear Natalie screaming.

This could be Nancy Grace's wet dream.