November 6th, 2011

Breaking News!

You may have heard propaganda that the Old Bailey was blown up by terrorists tonight.

That is just Fox News bullshit.

In reality, its demolition had been planned for several months.

The only reason the destruction was so dramatic was that the workers loved the place so much they decided to play music and set off some fireworks after they set the charges.

Please go back to your local pub and do not panic.

We have this situation under control.

How Is This Not Child Abuse

There's now a Facebook page set up to help parents infect their children with chicken pox, measles and other childhood diseases.

They arrange for an infected kid to spit in a ziplock bag and then mail the saliva to the parents of uninfected kids. The parents then give the spit to their children.

Or else they arrange play dates with infected kids.

They do this so they can avoid immunization shots.

How the fuck is intentionally giving your children a illness that could hospitalize them not some form of child abuse????

Horrible Bosses

Finally saw Horrible Bosses.

I didn't expect to like it and, in fact, only downloaded it because I like Kevin Spacey and am curious about anything he does.

I was prepared to hate the movie and in some ways feel I should - because a good portion of it is spent making jokes about sexual harassment and rape and that's generally not cool.

The problem is I can't hate it because it is hilariously funny. The last time I laughed this much during a movie was the first time I saw Bad Santa.

That sort of makes sense, because the reason this works is the same reason Bad Santa works - it's so fucking over the top balls out no excuses offensive that it no longer becomes offensive. It's sort of like the movie version of Sagat doing The Aristocrats joke.

Just when you think they can't possibly cross another line, they manage to find a way to do so.

Plus, casting Jennifer Aniston as a crazy nympho with a potty mouth is brilliant. We are so used to seeing her in nice girl roles that you can't quite believe it when she deadpans "Stick your cock in my slutty little mouth" or sits in a bathtub masturbating while having phone sex about being fucked up the ass. (Bob Newhart playing an evil psychopath is also pretty brilliant reverse casting.)

It goes without saying that Spacey is well cast as an asshole. Nobody can play an evil jerk better than him.

Overall, the movie is sort of a combination of Office Space and Bad Santa. And it's funnier than Office Space because it's willing to be a really, really nasty, crude, awful film.

There is no morally redeeming quality to anything in it - but damn it's funny.

That said, Girl With The Dragon Tattoo level trigger warnings for pretty much anything that you could possibly be triggered by ranging from racism to homophobia to prison sex, to child abuse, to sexual harassment to rape and probably some triggers I'm not thinking of. Let me put it this way - the tamest joke in the movie involves one of the characters shoving a Gillette Mach 3 up his ass.

Breaking News!

(AP) -- The GOP primary contest was thrown into chaos today when presidential hopeful Tywin Lannister, Lord of Casterly Rock, Shield of Lannisport and Warden of the West, announced that frontrunner Herman Cain is not actually an American citizen.

"My bannermen have done extensive backround checks on Mr. Cain," Lannister said. "We have come to the conclusion that he was actually born in India and, is, in fact, a Buddhist."

Lannister then challenged Cain to produce his birth certificate and provide witnesses that can prove he has "been in a church accepted by the Seven Kingdoms."

The Casterly Rock lord noted he had never seen a person with Cain's skin coloring in any of the kingdoms and that his 999 proposal is actually a mirror image of numbers used to signify alliance with people who live on the other side of the wall separating America from the unknown barbarian hordes in Mexico and and kingdoms further south.

"As soon as Mr Cain gained ground in the polls snow descended on New York City," Lannister said. "Is there any clearer indication that if Mr Cain wins the election that Winter is coming?"