September 28th, 2011

OK.

Given the current work disaster I'm spending so much time pitching for jobs and doing new jobs that I don't have time to come up with new ideas for blog posts.

But, I do want to do new blog posts - so give me ideas!

What do you want me to write about?

I'm willing to do it!

Bart

(Otherwise I will write about how wonderful the new Mortal Kombat is, except for the fact that you can't skip through cut scenes if you've already seen them before and that will be a boring as hell blog post.)

Sundries

I asked for topics and you gave me topics so here you go:

How do you feel about those songs/stories about idyllic happy childhoods? I was listening to "Meadows of Heaven" by Nightwish today, and realized it was kind of pissing me off.

They suck. Fuck happy songs. I only like people playing guitars and bitching about shit.

You've made mistakes in your life. Have you been able to really forgive yourself?

I think so, but I'm not sure what that means. I try not to beat myself up too much over shit. As someone said, "Don't sweat the small shit and remember it's all small shit."

What are your strategies for focusing in on the work that you have to do amid all the available distractions?

Xanax and a deep abiding desire to be able to afford booze and cigarettes.

Did you do anything scary today?

I killed a man just to watch him die.

You've written tons about sex. Write something about love.

Love is a different thing for different people. People always talk about how they are not sure if they are in love and whatnot. I think Tom Hanks is to blame for this shit. Love is not like shit in a Tom Hanks film. Love is simply someone who makes your life better just by being a part of it. That's not going to be the same thing for everyone. But at the end of the day ask yourself this: "If this person broke my favorite possession and then laid a huge fart in the living room, would I still want them in my life?" If so, you love them.

Are people there as frou-frou stupid with their pets as some crazies are here, dressing up their dogs and cats, givin' 'em weddings, etc?

No.

how do you feel?

Fine.

who do you love?

Lots of people but I don't talk about that stuff on my blog.

why is the sky blue?

Light reflecting off of the ocean.

why do zebras have stripes?

To make it hard for big cats to see them when they run.

is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Why would anyone put a banana in their pocket?

if i like a smurf, will my tongue turn blue?

I don't think liking something causes physical changes.

is water really wet?

Yes.

can ducks fly upside down?

I don't know and I don't care.

How about something along the lines of how hard it is for a femdom woman to meet a sub guy? They say they want to meet, but then they get scared of exactly what they want to meet in the first place, or they want such a total fantasy that they are never happy with less than some perfect scene they have in their heads?

The problem is that the dudes try to top from the bottom. But that's because they usually pay a dominatrix before they try a real femdom relationship and the pros let you top from the bottom. Just be stern. If they continue to try to top from the bottom, put them in a male chastity device and don't let them out of it until they behave. They'll become good boys fairly quickly.

I now want YOU to review the Fleshlight so that we can compare your review to theferrett's.

I have never tried the Fleshlight and never will. The reason is that I once had to do a series of ads for a product that would help you clean the Fleshlight. The source material I was given contained lots of really gross photos of what happens to a Fleshlight if you don't clean it correctly and this made me decide I'm not putting my dick near one of those things.

No Glove No Love

Someone created a tumblr for ad slogans that should never, ever be used on condom packages.

But, they only have about 10 up. Of the possible slogans they have yet to use, what do you think would be the funniest popular slogan to put on a condom wrapper?

I'm torn between "Kid Tested - Mother Approved" and "Where's The Beef?"



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