September 6th, 2011

Assassin's Creed

Last week I got stuck in the middle of Chapter 7 of Portal 2. There's this one level where you have to jump off what is essentially a seven story platform into an exactly placed portal, fly out another exactly placed portal and then maneuver in air at exactly the right time to land on the platform on the other side. As far as I can tell if you are a millimeter off at any part of this process the game tells you to fuck off and try again.

In an effort to keep me from breaking the television/spending all my time bitching about this stupid fucking level a friend of mine loaned me the original Assassin's Creed.

How have I not played this game before? I love that it's all step by step with it telling you in detail exactly what the fuck you are supposed to do. It doesn't have any of that typical video game bullshit of "Oh, I wonder what the game wants me to do I guess I'll just wander around until a cut scene happens." It's almost as transparent as Guitar Hero. I mean, I don't mind the game making me do something somewhat difficult as long as I at least know that's what it wants me to do.

I like that it has what I call the "Zelda Mode Of Combat" - which means that every so often they give you a new fighting skill, make you practice it until you can do it correctly exactly one time and then when you actually get into a fight you forget all about it, just randomly mash buttons and eventually you do a cool move that kills the thing/person/whatever attacking you and somehow you almost always win.

I do wonder how this game got made in post 9/11 America since the general premise is that you are a Muslim assassin who goes around killing Christians. Not that that bothers me. Hell, it's a video game, someone has got to kill someone. I'm just surprised that it didn't drive parents insane.

Deep Thoughts

I don't know why, but every time I see an article about Burning Man it pisses me off.

I know the nihilist/anarchist in me should love the idea but the more I read the more I think "what a bunch of rich white people acting like assholes."

I have no explanation for this reaction.