July 13th, 2011

Got Milk?

The Milk Board - a group that is paid to find ways to get people to buy more milk - has a new marketing campaign out. Since calcium supposedly helps mitigate PMS systems, they are running ads advising men to stock up on milk before their wives and girlfriends get their periods.


Now, imagine a dude dating a vegan woman who is PMSing. Imagine him seeing this ad and thinking it was a good idea. I can just picture the response now:

"What! You brought me cow's milk! You fucking bastard! Do you ever listen to anything I tell you! Do you know that cows were not meant to be drained of their milk in processing plants! Don't you know that humans are the only animals barbaric enough to drink the milk of another species! You fucking bastard! What the fuck did I ever see in you! Take that fucking white blood of the corporate animal slavery patriarchy and get out of the fucking apartment right now!"

At that point she'd start crying and eating vegan chocolate made by third gender monks from Thailand.

And, there would be no one to blame but the evil Milk Board.

Ticket To Ride

(AP) -- Noted equestrian and social activist Khal Drogo has announced that he plans to enter the GOP primaries. While his organization admits he is a dark horse candidate, several Republican party analysts said that he could upset the field.

Drogo is considered one of the more traditional conservatives in the race, combining an isolationist military platform with a hands off approach to government intervention into social issues.

When asked about the ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, Drogo insisted he'd put an end to them saying "Our warriors should not cross the water the horses can not drink."

Yet, when queried about gay marriage he replied "Any man who can ride deserves respect."

His young wife, Daenerys Targaryen, - who has ties to previous presidential administrations - is considered an asset to his campaign.

"She'll be like a dragon on the campaign trail," Karl Rove, who has been working with Drogo's presidential exploratory committee, said. Rove said that her reputation as a crusader for women's rights and anti-rape campaigns will play well with crucial independent voters.

Meanwhile Tywin Lannister, Lord of Casterly Rock, Shield of Lannisport and Warden of the West, spent the week meeting with members of the GOP leadership in Iowa.

While Lannister has not yet announced whether or not he will run, he is thought to be a powerful family values candidate.

"Lannister is really a wild card," Rove said. "His dedication to his family - particularly his handicapped son - is well known and would resonate with working families in the heartland. His worry would be that his wealth and background could make him seem removed from the financial plights of many American voters."

Oh, Dave

On Monday, David Letterman spent three minutes questioning Emma Watson over whether or not she's ever drunk booze.

Apparently, Dave has never heard of the magical thing called "Google Image Search."




Lohan Nipple Picture

The infamous photoshoot from earlier this year where LiLo made Plum Miami magazine happy by letting them photograph her nipple but pissed them off because she blew off the interview has finally been published.

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