July 4th, 2011

Happy Fucking Fourth Of July

Just think, if it wasn't for Washington, Jefferson (a fucktard who threw my great-great-great grandfather in jail), Adams, Hamilton (who also threw GGGGF in jail) and the rest of their terrorist cabal today in America:

1. You would have paid, at most, £3,290 to go to school this year.

2. You would have a health care system that would make sure you wouldn't go bankrupt if you got sick.

3. You'd know that there was a reliable social safety net for you no matter what your circumstances.

4. You wouldn't be dealing with all the bullshit that puritanical sexual repression has brought to the former colonies.

5. Drug laws would be considerably more sane.

6. If you wanted to have kids you'd get 52 weeks of maternity leave and at least 39 weeks of paid maternity leave - possibly increasing to 52 weeks at some point in the near future.

7. There would be a bunch of extra vowels and consonants in some of your words.

8. You wouldn't need a fucking work visa if you wanted to take a year off and bartend in Europe.

9. Vietnam would not have happened.

10. Your beer would not be as cold as you are used to, but it would taste a hell of a lot better.

11. You'd own a proper kettle and make tea at the right temperature.

12. You probably have foreskin or be fucking someone with foreskin or be lesbian or asexual.

13. You'd understand satire.

14. You'd have a much faster and less expensive Internet connection that would come with free land line phone calls and cable.

15. You'd actually have a chance with Prince Harry and/or Pippa Middleton, depending on your personal preference.