May 13th, 2011

Voyage Of The Dawn Treader

Finally watched it.

I put it off for so long because I knew, correctly, that at the end of the film I'd end up screaming at the screen "Fuck you, Aslan! Fuck you to fucking hell!"

Yeah, let Reepicheep, who fucking helped get rid of the ropes around you in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, walk into Aslan's Kingdon - i.e. commit suicide.

Oh, and, yeah, fuck you very much for telling the two oldest that they won't come back - even though we all know that you'll let them come back to die horrible, horrible deaths in The Last Battle.

But, yeah Eustace you pat on the head and assure him that he'll be back - even though he was a complete douche until he became a fire breathing dragon!

I did like the movie.

And, Rome Girl, who has not read the books liked it too and thinks my general reaction of horror at the end is unjustified.

"Reepicheep wanted to go to Aslan's kingdom," she said.

My rage, however, is not meant to mean I have anything against the film. I loved it like I liked the book.

I just fucking hate Aslan and his bullshit.

The rest of the shit is way cool.

But, fuck Aslan.

The Mad Hatter

Defense Secretary Robert Gates says the reason he won't release the Osama death pictures is that he's worried people will Photoshop Princess Beatrice's hat onto it.


"[W]e were...worried about the potential for manipulation of those photos and doing things with those photos that would be pretty outrageous in terms of provoking a reaction that might in fact put our troops at greater risk in both Iraq and Afghanistan."

"I have gotten from friends all over the country copies of the picture that was this iconic picture taken in the Situation Room while we were watching the operation. And they have been photoshopped in every way you can imagine, including putting you know, coming after the royal wedding, one of these had all of us in one of these big, wide-brimmed hats from the wedding."




Me: It's Friday The 13th.

Rome Girl: Yes.

Me: I'm going to spend the day walking around the apartment with a butcher knife and jumping out at you at random times.

Rome Girl: No you are not.

Me: Why not? I love holidays.

Rome Girl: I have a delicate constitution.

Me: You are just not in the spirit of the holiday season. For centuries all over the world happy boys and girls have wandered their apartments on Friday the 13th with butcher knives and jumped out at their friends and family members as part of this joyous occasion.

Rome Girl: Why don't you just wear your black robe instead?