May 4th, 2011

Osama Thoughts

The most interesting conspiracy theory out there is that we tracked Osama down because one of his top guys was an online poker addict and we traced his computer to the compound. This despite the fact that the compound had no Internet access and it's unlikely that a guy able to hide from the CIA, MI6 and Mossad would be tripped up by Party Poker.

One of the most popular Google searches this week was "Who is Osama Bin Laden?" Apparently this is because a shitload of teenagers had no idea who the dude was and why grown ups were making such a big deal about his death. This makes sense when you think that for a 15 year old the last time Osama did something newsworthy was when the kid was 5. It also makes me realize that for a lot of teens we've been at war for most of their lives.

Pakistan claiming they had no idea where Osama was is such bullshit. He was in a giant compound surrounded by 18 foot walls topped with barbed wire - A HALF MILE FROM THE PAKISTAN MILITARY ACADEMY. They burned their trash. When kids would accidentally kick balls over the wall, armed guards would come out and hand them cash rather then let them come inside and look for their balls. You telling me if that shit was going on a half mile from West Point that nobody would fucking notice?

All these hand wringing over Osama being unarmed is also bullshit. Osama was himself a weapon. If he had been captured alive we would have had people taking hostages at Disney World and demanding his release up until the point that we executed him on Pay Per View. Once they caught Osama they had to kill him. Otherwise civilian lives would have been at risk.

Strange Brew

Jezebel had an article about adult babies yesterday and the general consensus among the commentators was "strangest fetish ever!"

But, is it? I mean the human mind is a very strange thing when it comes to sexuality. So, let me know what you think the oddest fetish you've ever heard of is.

Poll #1737908 What's The Weirdest Fetish You've Heard Of?

What's The Strangest Fetish You've Heard Of?

Adult Babies
7(11.1%)
Sneeze
5(7.9%)
Crying
1(1.6%)
Balloons
6(9.5%)
Octopus/Squid
3(4.8%)
Trees
1(1.6%)
Car Accidents
7(11.1%)
Insects - Not Including Crush
5(7.9%)
Crush
8(12.7%)
Giant Women
2(3.2%)
Centaurs
2(3.2%)
Quicksand
2(3.2%)
Mud/Jellow/Ooze/Other Messy Stuff Rubbed Over The Body
1(1.6%)
Santa
0(0.0%)
Other You Will Explain
13(20.6%)

Fan Love

While I was finishing my last beer tonight a girl asked me "Are you Bart, the Drunk Expat Writer."

I admitted I was.

She said she had wanted to see me for a long time because she loves reading my blog and in fact had seen me before.

"I saw you on the street but I had just bought toilet paper and did not want you to see me carrying toilet paper," she said.

I assured her that I use toilet paper too.

Anyway, several times a year people either turn up here or seek me out because of my blog and each time it makes me feel humble and flattered.

So, thank you, darling. I'm sorry I met you right when I needed to come home and cook dinner. Next time I'll buy you a drink and learn what life is like for you.

And, just a note for anyone who wants to meet me - I'll never judge you for buying hygiene products.

That's just me.

Thank you, darling, for making my night.