March 10th, 2011

Tips For The Workers Of Wisconsin

Hey Wisconsin,

How you doing? Probably feeling pretty shitty this morning and a bit confused. But, hey, you'll get used to it.

Anyway, I hear you are going to go on strike.


I live in a country where this happens all the time. It's fun and exciting! And girls totally dig guys who have fought the man, so you are all going to get seriously laid (particularly if a cop beats the shit out of you!)

I do know that in your country these general strike things don't happen that often - so I figured I'd give you a few pointers.

1. Don't set cars on fire. Sometimes they go "boom" and hurt your friends.

2. Do overturn a few cars. They are great for taking cover when the rubber bullets start flying.

3. Also, use cars as blockades at intersections. Three or four of you can generally turn a couple parked cars sideways. It seriously slows down the cops.

4. Go to the local Army/Navy store and buy a gas mask. Tear gas sucks.

5. Looting hurts your cause. I know it's tempting, but don't do it.

6. Bring water with you.

7. Don't bring Democratic Party/Obama signs. Make this about the law itself, not about partisan politics. You have a chance to cross the aisle on this one, so don't blow it.

8. Spell your signs correctly. Also, no Hitler/Stalin/Flying Spaghetti Monster signs.

9. On the other hand, everyone loves protest signs that reference South Park in some way. I'd suggest a drawing of Eric Cartman with the slogan "I do not respect your authority!"

10. One of you has to take one for the team. Get him to provoke a fight with a cop. Don't film the provocation but do film him beaten and bleeding. Put it on YouTube right away.

11. Dress nicely. If you look like dirty hippies that's how you'll be portrayed.

12. Put your lawyer's number on speed dial.

Bongo Heroes

We've all become addicted to this game. It's called something official in Japanese but we've named it Bongo Hero and the name has stuck.

Since it's the most healthy activity any of us have ever gotten into (seriously, man, you get a workout after an hour of playing these things) I figured I'd share it with you.