March 5th, 2011

Writer's Block: Dear LiveJournal

How long have you been on Livejournal? What major life changes has LiveJournal witnessed?

Your brain can not process how long I've been on Live Journal. I've been on here since I cut off my ex wife's head, put it in a box and mailed it to her mom. It's seen me quit drugs by blinking an eye and start taking a new drug called Bart Calendar that would melt your face off.

I've been here so long that my readers lay down with their ugly wives and look at their ugly children and think about their loser lives and then look at me and can't process it. I am the LJ Warlock and I surf LJ on a mercury surfboard through a wave of fire.

Deep Thoughts

You know, when Keith Richard's "Life" came out last year everyone was talking about how great it was and how awesome it was that he was being so honest and how cool he is.

All of which I agree with.

But, when you think about it, in that book he says a lot of shit that is far crazier than anything Charlie Sheen has said and does stuff that is a lot more violent and crazy than anything Charlie Sheen has been accused of doing.

Yet, we give Keith a pass and make fun of Charlie.

It's weird.