March 3rd, 2011

Thursday

So, because my doctor told me I couldn't eat or drink for 12 hours before my blood work and he wanted me to get the blood work done first thing in the morning, I stayed in last night. I'd just gotten paid yesterday so I hit Virgin Records to see what kind of shiny disks they had for the new Blu-Ray player.

I ended up with a Quentin Tarantino box set - Inglorious Basterds, Kill Bill 1 & 2, Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown all on Blu-Ray for a total of 55 euros. I'm pretty sure that's a win, though I don't get why they didn't include Reservoir Dogs in the package.

Watched both Kill Bills back to back last night. Never seen them one right after another before - and let me tell you it's a much better movie when you watch both films at once. The pacing makes much more sense and is clearly designed for one movie rather than two. (For example, seeing the films originally I was disappointed with how quick and simple Bill's death is. When you see it as all one running movie you realize that after all the carnage she's tired and that after all the waiting for her to come he's tired and another giant battle scene after all the ones that had come before would have had much less impact than it does the way Tarantino does it.)

So, anyway, went over to the Laboratoire this morning at fucking 8 a.m. and even though I didn't have an appointment (you rarely make appointments for medical shit in this town) only had to wait five minutes before she was ready to see me.

I told her I was phobic about needles so she had me lay down on this comfy bed like thing with my arms outstretched and gave me a mini blind fold.

Then she started talking about her brother in Boston, asked me how I knew the owners of the Vert Anglais and then suddenly told me I was done and could roll my shirt sleeves back up.

I never even felt her stick the needle in. Afterward she explained to me that for a lot of people who are needle phobic if they never see the needle and aren't told it's being done they don't really notice it.

Weird.

Anyway she only charged me 50 - which I think is a good deal compared to what they charge to have blood work done in America. The results will be ready tomorrow night and I'll try to schedule an appointment with my doctor for Monday to find out what they mean.

In the meantime I'll be somewhat paranoid that it's going to show I have ebola or something. But, that's why xanax and booze exist.

I hung out with my friend Miss Darling yesterday and her prediction is that it will simply show I drink somewhat too much and have slightly high cholesterol and that my doctor will simply tell me to eat more bran and do slightly less vodka.

We shall see.

Rant

I am so fucking tired of Gawker and Jezebel trashing Ashley Madison.

Look, if someone wants to have an affair they will find a way to do so - whether or not an affair based dating site exists.

And, you know what - everyone involved is probably safer if a site like Ashley Madison is involved - because that way people will use the Internet to get to know each other before they hook up. That's a hell of a lot less likely to introduce an STD into a primary relationship than a bar hook up.

Plus, because both parties know what's going on, the odds of the "other man/woman" trying to break up the marriage or primary relationship is much lower to begin with - because they knew they were getting involved with a married/partnered person in the first place.

Finally, Jezebel and Gawker also constantly complain about how they think it's skeevy that married or partnered people use dating sites like OKCupid, Nerve Personals or Match.com.

Well, guess what - if places like Ashley Madison become mainstream and accepted they won't use Match anymore - because they are just as tired of people being like "ewww, you are a dick/slut because you are here and partnered and you are a creep for contacting me" as you are of being contacted by partnered people.

All in all with places like Ashley Madison everyone fucking wins - so stop giving them shit for simply acknowledging that many, if not most, relationships are not monogamous, even if some married people are willing to pretend to themselves that they are.

Chuck/Sheen

Let's have some fun today.

We all know about how powerful Charlie Sheen's tiger blood is. It's so strong, I expect that combined with Adonis DNA it makes him stronger than Chuck Norris.

So, let's see if we can make some Charlie Sheen/Chuck Norris jokes.

I'll start - but then you guys continue:

Chuck Norris thought he was straight before he became one of Charlie Sheen's goddesses.

Chuck Norris does not bow down to mortal man - instead he prays to Charlie Sheen.

Charlie Sheen makes both Chuck Norris and onions cry.

Chuck Norris died when he tried to smoke Charlie Sheen.

When Chuck Norris met Charlie Sheen he had his name legally changed to "Loser."

Survivor

Imagine a reality television show where Charlie Sheen, LiLo, John Lydon, Axl Rose, Mel Gibson, Glenn Beck, Nikki Sixx, Brett Easton Ellis, Bobby Brown, Britney Spears and Michael Moore all have to share a house.

At the end of each episode the television audience has to vote one person out of the house. The last person to stay in the house gets a $1 million. Who gets voted out first and who wins? Note, don't vote on who you would want to vote out first and who you would want to win, but how you think the actual American television voting public would vote.

Poll #1712976 The House

Who Gets Voted Off First?

Sheen
1(2.1%)
LiLo
1(2.1%)
Lydon
2(4.2%)
Axl
4(8.3%)
Mel
4(8.3%)
Brett Ellis
5(10.4%)
Bobby Brown
3(6.2%)
Britney
1(2.1%)
Michael Moore
20(41.7%)
Glen Beck
6(12.5%)
Nikki Sixx
1(2.1%)

Who Wins?

Sheen
16(33.3%)
LiLo
6(12.5%)
Lydon
3(6.2%)
Axl
6(12.5%)
Mel
1(2.1%)
Brett Ellis
1(2.1%)
Bobby Brown
2(4.2%)
Britney
2(4.2%)
Michael Moore
0(0.0%)
Glenn Beck
3(6.2%)
Nikki Sixx
8(16.7%)