February 21st, 2011

Writer's Block: Following the leader

Let's say you're running for president, and you win by a mudslide. What would you change about your country and why? Would you make new laws? Paint the White House blue? Tell all!





"Paint the White House blue?"


I don't believe this is a serious question that was posted. I believe this is some weirdo way a CIA officer in Russia is communicating with one of his contacts.

I seriously want to review all 108 answers and see if someone has responded "Red robin" or "The fox is in the hen house" or something.

New Montpellier Arcade

Over the weekend a giant arcade has opened up next door to the Vert Anglais. Obviously my drinking buddies and I hit the place up last night after we'd had a few beers.

It's really weird because at the moment all the machines are set up to play entirely in Japanese - with no English or French words on the screen at all.

This means that if you want to play a game an attendant has to come up and explain to you which pictograph represents "Start", "One Player", "Two Player", "Difficulty Level" and "Easy."

It also means there is no way to tell what some of the games are. That said we managed to identify a few:

1. One that has a picture of what appears to be Christian Bale and two machine guns attached to it that we have decided is a Terminator game. We haven't tried it out yet because we got distracted by what we have named...

2. Bongo Hero. Who knows what it's really called, but it has two large bongo shaped drums and four sticks. It's a two player game. When a circle moves by the screen you hit the middle of the bongo with a stick. When a square comes by you hit the left side of the bongo with a stick. When a triangle comes by you his the right side of the bongo with a stick. When a long oblong thing comes by you use two sticks to hit the bongo as many times as you fucking can until the oblong thing goes away. We spent most of our money on this thing because "hitting things with sticks" transcends language.

3. Bad Guitar Hero. Tried this because we figured we could figure it out. But it only has three buttons on the fret and the notes move up instead of down which is distracting. Plus it only has Japanese songs on it and, really, after one go we couldn't be asked to spend money to play songs we didn't know while fucking up because we kept trying to hit the notes when they started at the bottom of the screen.

4. Drum Hero. It looks to be an advanced version of Bongo Hero but with a full drum kit. We avoided it because we couldn't imagine trying to figure this one out in Japanese. If there had been French directions to tell us what pictograph meant for us to hit what drum we probably would have given it a go.

5. Something that must be a variation of Dance, Dance Revolution. We decided we weren't drunk enough for this one, but plan to come back to it one night when we are wasted and see just how awful we can be at it.

The rest of the stuff was completely unidentifiable.

So Blind I Can Not See

So, who do you think this Blind Item is about?

"This former A list tweener who is now trying to find her own way in the world has been telling people she has lots and lots of secrets about daddy he does not want the world to know so he needs to be quiet."

Poll #1707837 Name The Former Tween

This Blind Item Is About Which Former Tween Star

Britney Spears
Jamie-Lynn Spears
Miley Cyrus