February 8th, 2011

Is Greed Good?

Dear Oliver Stone,

I just watched Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps.

Fuck you very much!

That said, you should be proud! You have joined the ranks of George Lucas and Steve Spielberg in taking beloved characters from my youth and completely ruining them in sequels!

How the fuck did you manage to make a movie this boring about Gordon Gecko - one of the most interesting characters in film history?

It must have been a real challenge.

I now look forward to you making Natural Born Killers 2 where Mikey and Malory Knox own a dry cleaning business and every so often wrinkle the clothes of convicted criminals.

And I can not wait for Scarface 2 where Tony Montana runs a drug rehab facility but is emotionally tortured because he feels guilty about making a profit selling overpriced cigarettes to the people undergoing treatment.

Love,

Bart

Your Insults Are Not Politically Correct

Last week, before the horrible, horrible change in their site structure Jezebel did an item about a Transformers actor who got into a fight at a bar after a random dude called him a "fucking faggot."

Jezebel mocked that he should have come up with a more "creative" insult than "fucking faggot" and compared it to the type of shit 13 year old boys call each other.

I responded back by asking what would be "creative" enough to be acceptable? Mangynic Manhole? Cockaholic? Mansexual? Silly spread and head? Scientologist? Bend over boy toy? Bodacious butt boy?

Of course I go the response of "Well, the point is that you shouldn't use sexuality to insult someone!"

But... insults are by their nature insulting. They are not meant to be nice. And, if you use the English language any realistic insult will be offensive to someone. (Yes, you could be completely politically correct and call someone a "Dirty orange!" - but would that really be an effective insult?)

Just think about the insults we use (or that you use) and try to find some group that wouldn't be offend by it.

"Bitch" - totally misogynist.

"Whore" and any variant - slut shaming.

"Douche" - You are implying that something that goes into a vagina is by definition a bad thing, which is gynophobic and misogynist. If your justification is that douches are "useless" then you are clearly a hygienist who doesn't care about whether or not you are insensitive to the needs of women who have that not so fresh feeling.

"Fucker" - slut shaming.

"Mother Fucker" - both slut shaming and insensitive to existing and historic tribal and indigenous cultures where this may have been ritualistically important.

"Asshole" - Body snarking, triggering for people suffering from prostate cancer.

"Cock", "Dick", etc.. - Completely misandrist.

"Cunt" - self explanatory.

"Hipster" - classist.

"Cock sucker" - simultaneously homophobic, slut shaming and misogynist; a full trifecta!

"Bastard" - slut shaming (to the dude's mother), misandrist and insensitive to the difficulties that children from single family homes have to overcome.

"Goat fucker" - anti-Welsh.

"Idiot", "Moron" etc.. - ableist

Dipshit - homophobic, insensitive to the needs of the scat community.

Oh and don't think, as one Jezebel commentator did, that you can get around this by going back in time and using Shakespearean insults - because you can't tell me that "Thou beslubbering plume-plucked lout!" does not equal "sissy faggot" in modern English.