December 10th, 2010

The Grass Is Always Greener

Jezebel today has a piece where a lesbian woman complains that she's tired of hearing her straight friends say I wish I was a lesbian.

Her point is that they are missing how much it can suck being part of a sexual minority. But, I think there is a larger point to be made here - the fact that every sexuality has it's advantages and at some point or another we all wish we could be of a different orientation.

Of course when we think that we are looking at it with rose colored glasses and ignoring the downside, but that's what fantasies are all about. The point is there are both good and bad parts of all orientations.

Let's give just a few examples (all of which are filled with cliches and stereotypes.)

Straight guys sometimes joke about wanting to be gay, because if you are gay it's much easier to get random no strings attached hook ups in the back rooms of gay bars than it is to get random blow jobs from girls in straight bars.

Gay guys can sometimes with they were straight because they wouldn't have to spend so much fucking money on lube and it's a lot harder to get STDs from vaginas then from butts. There's much to be said for self lubricating orifices.

Straight girls can wish they were lesbian because it would cut their STD and pregnancy risks down to near zero. And they'd be with someone who actually had a first hand understanding about how their bodies work. Plus their date rape risks would be a lot lower.

Bi people can wish they were either straight or gay. Because bi girls aren't taken seriously by anyone. Lesbian girls assume they'll dump them for a dude. Straight guys just want to badger them into threesomes. And bisexual dudes? Many girls assume they are secretly gay or else disease vectors and won't fuck them and gay dudes give them shit for being too scared to admit they are gay.

Asexuals can wish they were sexual because it would make it easier for them to get a relationship. Sexuals can wish they were asexual because it would stop them from making bad relationship decisions based on sex.

Lesbians can wish they were straight because they'd no longer have to deal with dyke drama or lesbian bed death. Plus, they wouldn't have to deal with turkey basters or IVF if they wanted to have children.

So there you go. No matter what your orientation and how much it annoys you there are people out there who wish they had your orientation.

It's a part of life - and the fact that no orientation is perfect is what makes us all interesting.