November 17th, 2010


In today's Dan Savage a woman writes in because her husband of 10 years wants to divorce her.

The reason he wants to kick her to the curb is that every so often she likes to have a couple drinks and a couple cigarettes and he thinks both booze and cigs are evil.

That, to me, screams "tool."

In his defense, however, when they were dating she never told him that she liked alcohol or cigarettes.

That, to me, also screams "tool."

So, I have to ask you, gentle reader: Who do you think is the biggest tool in this tool chest?

Writer's Block: Must see TV

If you were a TV producer, what would be the premise of your first TV series, and who would star in it?

Buffy The Lost Alias Slayer

A teenage girl is on a plane that crashes on a mysterious island. While there she discovers that she has been named "the chosen" by a mysterious group of people living on the Island who view her as part of a secret agency conspiring against the government. Gradually she starts to regain repressed memories and finds hidden wigs and costumes scattered around the island as well as sections of the island that mysteriously mimic exotic foreign locals. The others are revealed to be a vampire sect composed of former KGB and CIA double agents led by the last descendant of the Romanov family in search of an ancient device that can both move the island back to the mainland and restore their souls.

Logic Fail

Some girl just spent about 10 minutes buzzing one of my male neighbors and he never responded to open up the front door to our building.

At that point she started buzzing every buzzer in our building and I buzzed her in just to stop the fucking buzzing.

Now, she's spent the past five minutes banging on his door.

Look, at some point you have realize:

1. He's not home.


2. He doesn't want to deal with you.


3. He's dead.

In none of these situations will continuing to knock on his door help you.