November 8th, 2010

Good News/Bad News

There's a kinky newly rich person in Detroit.

At least, they could be rich, because he or she bought a $128 million Powerball lottery ticket.

The downside?

He or she bought it at a sex shop and Powerball rules do not allow winners to stay anonymous if they claim their winnings.

Now, if this is just a single dude, it might not be that much of a problem. Sure, it's going to be embarrassing when you are on the front page of your local newspaper as "The Dude Or Babe Who Won The Lottery At A Sex Shop."

Yet, you can get over that.

I mean with $128 million in your pocket you can move someplace where people won't care or know who you are.

But, what if you are a married dude who was in there buying sex toys for your on the side girlfriend? How the fuck do you explain to your wife what the fuck you were doing there?

Or, maybe it's some young college girl with very conservative parents who stopped in to get her first vibrator.

Good luck at the family dinner table this Thanksgiving.

Better still, imagine it's a politician or a politician's wife?

The chance for disaster here is unbelievable - which may explain why nobody has come forward to claim the jackpot yet.

Ha!

The Boston Globe has created the apology they think Judith Griggs should print in the next edition of Cooks Source magazine.

The best part, every word in their apology is plagiarized from well known works.

Writer's Block: Ice cream isn't cutting it

How long does it take to recover from a broken heart? Is it better to jump back into dating or spend time alone?


1. Get drunk.

2. Get laid with someone completely inappropriate who you will not be tempted to get into a rebound relationship with at all.

3. Now that you've gotten your first post break up piece of ass, don't get laid for a while. Change your hair style and the way you dress so you feel like a different person.

4. Feel lonely for a while and masturbate a lot.

5. When you are able to think about your ex without sobbing, be slutty for a while and fuck a lot of different types of people, so you don't end up with someone exactly like your ex, and end up with the exact same problems.

6. Along the way one of the people you've slutted out with will end up being really into you and you'll end up being really into them. You'll both be surprised because neither of you will be what you expected to click with, but it will work and you'll have a new solid relationship.