August 27th, 2010

I Have No Words


"Filmmaker Rob Spence, famed for his camera eyeball implant, is looking for an eligible young woman. Who's missing a leg. So he can give her a paintball machine gun. That she will attach to her leg.

Spence is working on a documentary about his "Eyeborg" project—turning a disability into a superpower—and wants to give this Grindhouse treatment to a willing woman. The chosen amputee will be fitted with a custom-built paintball leg, while Spence documents the process for his flick. If that somehow isn't awesome enough for you, the guinea pig will then proceed to "take out dozens of dudes in a paintball gun match filmed Robert Rodriguez style." Oh, and your leg must be "machine gun appropriate,"

Writer's Block: If I were president ...

What would you do if you were president or prime minister for a day?

Order the U.S. Air Force and Marines to have black helicopters hover over the homes of Beck, Palin, Pat Buchanan, Newt Gingrich, Rand Paul and the GOP leadership.

Next, I'd issue a press release that simply read: "One World Order."

This would all be an attempt to completely fuck with their heads.


Rome Girl asked me to buy a stand up fan before she flies back here from the States on Monday.

I did so this afternoon and then spent an hour trying to put the fucking thing together. I managed to put the stand together but got stumped at the part that requires me to attach the fan to the stand.

Under the clearly disapproving gaze of my cat, I gave up.

What sucks is that I know when Rome Girl gets here Monday she'll spend 30 seconds looking at it and then have it put together two minutes later.

Oh well, it's the hottest day of the year (42 degrees according to the sign at the local pharmacy) and the last Friday in August in France.

Just giving up and being slothful is what the natives are doing today.

When in Rome....

Reading Is Fun!

I was talking with my shrink this morning about books my dad read to me as a child or that I read myself as a child. For the record, the books my dad read to me - in this order - were The Narnia stories, the two Alice stories (Wonderland and Looking Glass), The Book Of The Dun Cow, The Hobbit and The Lord Of The Rings.

She asked me which one seemed the most "useful" to me and I had to admit that it was the Alice stories.

"The thing is," I said, "that while Lewis Carroll was an asshole the books do teach you that the world is a weirder place than you think it is in the safety of your middle class home and that not all adults are to be trusted. In fact, it teaches you that most adults are kinda crazy in some way and that the way to get through life is to expect weird unexpected things to happen. And, that's pretty much how life is, but most children's books don't tell you that."

We also talked about how while many, many people liked Narnia as children, many of those same people were bothered by large parts of it, and actively angry about the stories as adults.

She thinks that the mistake C.S. Lewis made is that as an adult he identified with the adult characters and didn't realize children wouldn't react the same way. That we'd identify with the children and even more so with Reepicheep, because, like us at the time, he was little. But, even though he was little, he was still brave and true, which we would like to be.

Hence, why Reepicheep's fate and the way Aslan deals with Lucy and Peter upsets so many people so much.

Anyway, I'm not sure what I think about that, but it's food for thought.

I do think I'm right about Alice. Growing up is both going through the looking glass and into the rabbit hole, sometimes at the same time.

Fucked Up Slang

I always joke around with my UK friends here that American fucked up slang is much better than British fucked up slang.

Here's just the latest example.

What we'd call a Zebra Party, they simply call a black man's orgy.

Yes, both terms are fucked up in their own way, but at least ours employs creativity and metaphor.