August 20th, 2010

Montpellier Statue Madness

George Freche, who is essentially the governor of the Languedoc province of which Montpellier is the capital, has decided to erect statues of the 10 greatest people of the 20th century.

Now, forget for a minute that France, along with the rest of Europe, is in a fiscal crisis and these statues will cost 200,000 euros each.

Instead take a look at the list of people they've chosen:

1. Vladamir Lenin

2. Winston Churchill

3. Charles de Gaulle

4. Franklin Roosevelt

5. Jean Jaurés

6. Mahatma Gandhi

7.Golda Meir

8.Gamal Abdel Nasser

9. Nelson Mandela

10. Mao Zedong

Any names on that list that would get an American politician voted out of office in 10 seconds flat??

Writer's Block: Let me at em'

What is the bravest thing you've ever done? Would you do it again?

I killed a spider once even though I knew Daddy would lock me in the closet for disobeying the word of the Lord.

It was lonely in that closet, but there was a beetle there who was my friend. When I got hungry I thought about eating him but that would have been wrong. The leader of our compound says that we can only eat the fruit of the land and that all animals are sent here to enforce his vision.

I'm glad I'm not in that closet anymore. It's much more fun to help clean the guns so we are prepared for the End Days.

I will never kill a spider again.

The Book Of Eli

An evangelical Christian version of The Road made entertaining simply because Gary Oldman can play a great villain and the action scenes are fun.

It suffers from the same flaw as almost all the post apocalypse films made lately in that it never bothers to explain why the world is fucked. I hate that shit. It just takes a one sentence piece of dialogue. Blame global warming. Blame nuclear war. Blame solar flares. Blame my big black cock. I don't care - just tell me why things are like this or else I'm going to believe that you just couldn't decide.

It also suffers from the same flaw as The Road in that there is no distance from any Point A to Point B in America that would take years and years to walk to. Writers need to go to Wikipedia and look up how long it took Lewis and Clark to walk across the entire fucking country.

Anyway, all these films are just rewrites of The Stand anyway and since The Stand exists and is actually a fucking awesome story I don't see the point of ripping off the plot and making it boring.

New Miranda Rights

1. You have the right to smoke the chronic.

2. Should you give up this right your bong may be used by us.

3. You have the right to sniff the bag and make sure it is the good shit before you light up. Do you understand?

4. If you can not afford the chronic you can get a hit off my shit, but you best not bogart that blunt. Do you understand?

5. If you decide to smoke me out you have the right to insist that I pay for the pizza.

6. Knowing and understanding these rights, are you willing to toke up so we can keep it real 420?

That Poor, Poor Girl

"The doctors who have evaluated Lindsay Lohan at UCLA have concluded she does not suffer from the drug or psychiatric problems that were previously diagnosed.

Lindsay has been "weaned off" all of her meds -- Dilaudid, Ambien, Adderall, Zoloft, Trazodone and Nexium -- and has had no adverse reaction. Likewise, she has had no withdrawal issues in the alcohol department. Bottom line -- the docs don't think Lindsay is an addict.

Lindsay was misdiagnosed in the past with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) -- which is why she started taking Adderall. The UCLA docs say LiLo does not have ADHD."

And as Jezebel and many other websites are pointing out being told you need to take Adderall when you don't have ADHD can cause mania, mimic the effects of cocaine use and cause your body to crave alcohol (because of it's depressive effects)while also impairing your judgment and making it very difficult to understand the consequences of your own actions.

In other words, all of LiLo's shit - including jail time - came from her having a fucked up doctor.

So, her lawyers sucked for not figuring this out. The prosecution sucked for not having her independently evaluated and therefore figuring this out and the people in her life who were supposed to be looking out for her sucked.

I am filled with fucking rage.