August 19th, 2010

Gah!

One of my clients has decided as a PR move to give to a bunch of random charities. So, I have to write press releases and blog posts about his giving.

Fuck - charity websites are the worst designed things in the world. They are full of pointless Flash animation and it takes fucking forever to find the right link that actually tells me what the charity does - which should be on the fucking home page!

The only pages a charity website should have are a page that explains what they do, a page explaining why they do it, a page explaining how long they've been doing it and a page where you can donate. If you've done some really huge stuff a link to your press releases is fine.

Anything else is extraneous bullshit.

You know what I think when I see a charity site that has roughly 10k in Flash animation - "why the fuck is the money going to this shit and not to the people they are trying to help!"

Also, I have a very fast internet connection and a very fast computer but some of these sites still take like 30 seconds for the flash animated home page to load. You know what that means? It means that most people are going to click the fuck away from your charity site before they have any chance to learn about what you do.

Seriously check out this charity site that starts off with a pointless Flash animation of flying butterflies that have nothing at all to do with what they do.

Then you get to a home page with almost no text except a link reading "Click here to take your chances and visit our site the risky way" and another link that reading "Click here to navigate the site the traditional way."

WTF???

Is your charity some sort of game? Who the fuck puts the word "risky" on the home page of a site that is asking for your money? Why do I have to choose before I find out what the fuck it is that you do?

When you want people to give you money your best bet is to make it easy for them, not to make them jump through hoops.

Let me explain in the practical world. There are a bunch of pan handlers in town. Most of them try to provide some sort of complex story about why they need some change. Fuck them, I don't want to listen to your fucking story.

But there is one guy who simply holds up a sign reading "Hungry" and another guy with a sign reading "Need Drugs."

Those fuckers get change from me because they've communicated their needs easily and aren't fucking bugging me.

I get that people need to eat and I understand that junkies need drugs or they will go into convulsions and die (or rob people so they can avoid the withdrawal) so if I have some extra coins in my pocket I'm more than happy to give them some of my money.

Charities need to think about the "Hungry" and "Need Drugs" dudes - who, apparently, understand marketing better than they do.

Voyage Of The Dawn Treader Trailer

I am going to totally lose my shit at the end over the Reepicheep plot point.

Also, going to want to scream at Aslan who is the most useless deity ever. He always has multiple chances to help these people out but instead gives them vague statements that are like Dan Brown riddles.

Plus, I never forgave him for making Reepicheep fucking beg to get his tail back after the little mouse fucking saved all of Narnia.

Also, you know what would make an awesome movie?

Hogwarts Vs. Narnia done in an Aliens Vs. Predators style with Ron, Harry and Hermione using the forces of magic to battle with Peter, Lucy and Edmund using the forces of faith.