July 21st, 2010

Be Not Proud

Because she knows the walk from the tram stop to her office freaks me the fuck out, my shrink has taken to spending the first ten minutes or so of our sessions talking to me about how I felt that morning on the way in.

Today I told her that the fucking walls and hedges and fences and shit around all the fucking suburban houses make me want to write a fucked up short story.

But, I explained that my problem is I can't decide whether I want to call the homes hospices or slaughterhouses.

"The thing is," I said, "is that a hospice is where you go to die. And pretty much, that's what homes in suburbia are. You fucked up with a condom and got a girl pregnant or you are a girl and trusted the dude would pull out so now you are stuck with a mortgage that makes you a slave to your boss and you are just marking time until your kids go off to college and then marking time until they knock somebody up or get knocked up and then marking time until retirement and all in all you are just waiting for death.

"On the other hand, I said, "slaughterhouses are where you breed and raise young living things until it's time for them to die. And since the suburbs are where people raise their kids and teach them that aspiring to these fucking homes where they will just sit around waiting to die is the ultimate goal in life they really are more slaughterhouse than hospice."

She paused and then said: "Whichever metaphor your choose, there are a lot of teenagers in this neighborhood who would like to read that story."

Writer's Block: Star struck

Do you think celebrities deserve as much recognition, attention, and money as we, as a society, give them? What do you think it says about our cultural values?

People who make our lives more interesting deserved to be compensated for it. Plus, celebrities live at constant risk of the likes of Mark David Chapman, so, yeah, they deserve the big bucks.

The rest of this question is stupid because if they didn't get recognition and attention they wouldn't be celebrities in the first place.

And So It Goes

Any of you peeps who thought that it was a good idea for LiLo to go to jail because it would help her clean up will be delighted to learn that jail officials have already confirmed she'll be able to take her adderal and ambien.

For some reason they won't let her do diluadid.

But, really, given the two drugs she is allowed she should be able to make fairly decent white collar speedballs.

Some Serious Bullshit

Ok. I think we've discovered the worst woman in the world.

The woman is a Jewish lady living in Israel. She met a guy when she was out and about and they started talking. He told her that he was Jewish as well. They then hooked up and had consensual sex later that day. Afterward she found out he wasn't Jewish and filed rape charges against the dude because she claims she would never have had sex with an Arab willingly.

The dude was convicted!

What a bunch of fucking assholes