June 16th, 2010

American Psycho

Rome Girl and my dad are going to a Bret Easton Ellis reading and book signing in New York next week - so I went looking for the latest news about him to give them fodder for questions.

I found this awesome interview with the Sunday Times.


"Did you write Less Than Zero on an eight-week meth binge?”

“One of the drafts I wrote on speed. It was terrible. I never wrote on drugs again.”

“And the ‘exclusive orgies’ — that’s got to be made up.”

“Yes.“What about needing a minder so you didn’t...”

“Hang on,” he interrupts. “What’s an orgy? How many people?”

“Three is a threesome,” I say. “So, four or more.”

“Have I ever participated in sex with more than three people? Yes, I have. I thought you meant like 20. Or 15. Four is manageable.”

“Manageable. Really? Four.”

“I didn’t say they were fun. I just said I’d done it.”


When asked about the sudden death of his 30 year old boyfriend four years ago:

“I didn’t think he was an addict, but drugs were involved. It was cocaine. It was heroin. It was pills.”


On his life in LA:

He spent the first few years in LA living out his “sleazy bachelor” fantasies — dating people half his age, trying to finish a monster movie for DreamWorks, envying everyone’s Porsches, seeking treatment for depression. He was a mess. He even went to a few AA meetings, but only, he says, because he wanted to sleep with someone who went. “Drugs and alcohol were only ever a social thing for me. I never thought drugs were a way of minimising pain. For me, they were a way of maximising fun. I never took drugs for any other reason than to have a good time.


He then finishes the interview by telling the dude he wants to "write children's books.

Which of these things is not like the other?

Timmy The Toaster

Bret Easton Ellis wants to write children's stories.

I'm trying to imagine what they would be like, so I've started one. Feel free to make your own contributions.


Timmy the Toaster felt the life being slowly squeezed out of him and realized that he reacted to his upcoming untimely death with muted indifference.

It was like seeing something that was inevitable yet denied by Sally Spoon and Vinny Vacuum.

He thought of all the toast that had been through him and wondered if this is how bagels felt when he slowly heated them to oblivion and sent their corpses to be covered with cream cheese and eaten by the likes of Princess Diana, in a chic Chanel suit, Charlie Sheen, wearing the latest Armani, and Tom Wolf in a double breasted white Cerutti.

Strains of Huey Lewis and the News played as the truck took his now useless body out of the gated community to the landfill across Ventura Boulevard. Once there he would be in a place where nothing could be seen and he would see nothing and somehow this seemed like the only course of events that had ever or could ever transpire.

The sun broke through the clouds and sea gulls picked at the refuse of half eaten meals casually tossed aside by studio executives, bankers and models who would later vomit into Tony Toilet.

Above it all was a sign advertising a flight to Honolulu with the slogan "You always knew it would be like this."