April 25th, 2010

The Tea Party People Should Stop Dressing Up Like The Founding Fathers

Seriously, dudes, the Founding Fathers would have hated you people. I agree that you have the right to your own political opinions but comparing yourselves to the founding fathers is just bullshit.

They would have had you thrown in jail in a heartbeat.

Here's a true story about the Founding Fathers. My great great great great grandfather knew them all pretty well. And he was a journalist. He decided that he didn't like Alexander Hamilton so he wrote a few pieces about Hamilton's extra marital affairs - all of it accurate.

Hamilton had him thrown in jail for sedition on the grounds that impugning the reputation of members of the government was tantamount to treason.

The same thing happened to him again a few year later when he wrote about Thomas Jefferson having an affair with one of his slaves. Again, the articles were right on the money.

So, if Jefferson and Hamilton were willing to lock up on sedition and treason charges someone who wrote true things about the President, what do you think they'd do to people who carry signs comparing Obama to Hitler, Stalin, etc... or claiming that Obama is a socialist.

They would have locked you up and thrown away the fucking key.

Anyway, protest all you want, just don't think you are in some way, shape or form connected to the fathers of our country.

They would have considered you a bunch of traitors.

Here Comes The Pope

Members of the British Foreign Office are in trouble for circulating a joke wish list of what they'd like the Pope to do during his visit to London.

They include things like opening an abortion clinic.

There list is fine, but mine's better.

Here's my list:

1. Mass Prayer For Charlie Sheen's Soul.

2. Exorcism of Gordon Brown

3. Letting Price Harry Drive The Popemobile.

4. Smoke a spliff with John Lydon.

5. Group Sing-A-Long Of "Every Sperm Is Sacred" At Gay Karaoke Bar.

6. A Statement That From Now On British Boys Will Only Be Abused In Boarding Schools And Not The Local Church.

7. Stage Giant Rock Opera Where The Pope And The Cardinals Slowly Build A Wall Only To Smash It Down At The End.

8. With The Use Of Divine Wisdom He Makes A Speech Where He Reveals The Ending To Lost.

9. Ordains Amy Winehouse.

10. Uses Ancient Church Rituals To Suddenly Give Adult British Males Both Hair And Teeth.

11. All Of Essex Excommunicated.

12. Public High Five With Gerry Adams.

13. Removes Mask To Reveal He Is Tom Riddle. Mayor Boris Then Reveals He Is The Half-Blood Prince And The Two Battle To The Death.

14. Proposes Marriage To Madonna During A Moonlit Night On The Thames.