March 17th, 2010


I was talking with my shrink today about The Garden Of Earthly Delights.

Among other things we talked about the fact that when you are in the gift shop of The Prado the puzzle version of the painting and all the magnets and other representations are only of the middle panel.

None of the images from the left or right panel are available (unless you buy the full giant poster.)

I found out that the reason this is so is that in Spanish culture the right and left panels are considered inappropriate for children and since magnets and puzzles are stuff people buy for kids they figure there is no market for them.

What makes this interesting is that, I think, in America if there was that kind of censorship it would come from the same "protect the children" spirit but block out different things.

Let me explain the three panels.

#1. A picture of the garden of eden. Adam is looking up and seeing beautiful things like unicorns and giraffes and clear blue ponds. Eve, on the other hand, is looking down and seeing a muddy swamp with baby demons coming out of it, a cat with a dead mouse in it's mouth and assorted other really creepy critters. Off to the left - AT A PLACE NEITHER ADAM OR EVE IS PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO - is a tree with an apple in it. And, as almost any essay about this painting will point out, there is no fucking serpent in eden at all. This is considered offensive and not appropriate for children because it implies (or, let's be frank, states) that evil was in the garden even before the serpent offered eve the apple. It was corrupt from the start. Which means God was lying to both adam and eve. Humans, in other words, never had a chance even if we had avoided original sin. Plus, because eve sees the demons and adam doesn't, it implies that adam and not eve was the deceived party.

#2. A fucking happy orgy. Everyone is either eating wonderful fruit, fucking or both. In some cases they are fucking fruit. In the most interesting section there is a naked woman laying on her back with her legs spread. One leg is sticking up in the air. On top of her foot is a fucking apple that she is offering to a weird bird demon. The bird demon is rejecting the fruit - which when you consider that the Bible says that evil offered the girl the fruit and not the other way around is pretty fucking interesting. Oh, and there is also a man being eaten by a hairy clam shell. THIS IS THE PANEL THAT THE SPANISH THINK IS APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN.

#3. Hell. Like, the worst hell ever. Blood and guts that would make the makers of Saw feel guilty. The same demons from panel #1 but now they are fucking in charge. Adam from the first panel is actually being crucified on a giant harp. And what's really fucking scary about it is that the demons from the first panel don't seem happy that they've won. They seem sorta bored. As if they always knew they would win, so what's the fucking big deal. This they try to keep away from children because it's sad, depressing and complete nihilism.

Now, imagine how this would play out in America if the censors wanted to protect children.

I bet it would go the other way. I'm almost sure that the middle panel where people are fucking and sucking would be the one they wouldn't want kids to see.

They'd probably, on the other hand, love for kids to see the Hell panel, because we are less scared of violence then we are of sex. And, the left panel we'd probably let them see, since because there is no outright sex or violence there would be nothing to complain about - even though the image of the pre-serpent corrupted eden is probably the most ridiculously offensive thing in the entire painting.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm sure I'm right about this (since every website I've looked at says that nobody really understands this painting) but I'm pretty sure I'm pretty fucking close.

And, it's interesting to think about.


My downstairs neighbor just came up to complain that I was making too much noise last weekend walking around my apartment in the middle of the night.

I explained that no one was in the apartment at all this weekend. He then pointed at the cat and said that maybe she makes noise jumping on things at night.

Now, I can't imagine that my tiny cat - who stopped growing when she was five months old - could possibly make that much noise. But, even if she does, how the fuck does he expect me to stop a cat from doing anything?

Oh, and he also accused us of moving furniture around in the middle of the night. Our apartment is small. Our furniture consists of a bed, a couch and a coffee table.

I can honestly say I've never even considered moving them around at 3 a.m.

From The Freelance Job Boards

Project Description:

Topic or description of what I need written:

I have very time consuming job therefore I am looking for someone who manages my online dating account, i.e. contact woman via a dating website, get to know the woman and finally organise a date for me.

What I already have versus what the provider will deliver:

I have already an online dating account and I will provide a description of my person and list of rules and regulations. In addition, I will specify which kind of woman are prefered.

Other context/requirements that providers will need to know:

Regarding the payment, I am thinking of an hourly payment and a bonus for every date organised depending on how successfully the date ends.

Specific expertise that I am seeking:

It is very important that you are proficient in german and there are no problems with spelling, grammer or punctuation.

Timeframe for delivery:

I plan a test period of 4 weeks and if it works out fine for both sides, I will continue the job.


I love that the dog and the robot servant figured out what was going on weeks and weeks before the humans even had a vague clue.