January 11th, 2010

Writer's Block: Abandon hope, all ye who enter here

Do you think Web sites containing "adult content" should be legally required to post warnings? How would you personally define the rating scale? Do you fear this would place a chill on free/creative expression?

The only sites that should have warnings are those fucked up pro-anorexia sites. Oh, and the Hall & Oates Fan Club site.

Language Question

How do you say "flint" in French?

I need one for my new Zippo, Google is giving me answers that I don't think are correct and I don't want to have to try to mime out the concept of "flint" at the Tabac.


Cumming Right At You

They are now starting to make porn in state of the art 3D.

"Adult expo attendees wearing "active shutter glasses" grinned as they immersed themselves in a Bad Girls video displayed in 3-D on a giant high-definition television.

The firm's package consists of a 60-inch (152-centimeter) 3-D television; a compact computer server, and shutter glasses that synch with the screen to trick eyes into viewing in 3-D.

The Bad Girls system is priced at 4,000 dollars, and a subscription to the online video library costs 20 dollars a month, according to a woman at the booth that gave only her first name, Samantha. "

Can you imagine what they could do with a "money shot" in 3D? Or a tit smothering scene. Or Point Of View Bukakke?

Let's Have Fun With Facebook

Last week in a weird misguided attempt to raise breast cancer awareness millions of girls started making Facebook status updates stating the color of their bras with no explanation.

Here's a sample email about it:

"just write the colour of your bra in your status..just the colour, nothing else, and send this on to ONLY girls no men... it will be neat to see if this will spread the wings of cancer awareness. It will be fun to see how long it takes before the men will wonder why all the girls have a color in their status...thanks ladies"

OK, people, dudes and babes. Let's all just start posting the color of our undies (or the word "none" if applicable) and see how far we can spread this until people catch on.

Hey Miss Information

For some reason Nerve isn't letting me post this comment on your most recent awesome advice column.

Can you help and get it posted?

For non Miss Information people reading this here is the question and my response:

"My wife and I have been married for nineteen years. After her interest in sex declined, we tried swinging. We both realized that: (1) no matter how buff and young-looking a forty-eight-year-old white guy might be, he’s of virtually no interest in the communities in which we participated; (2) black guys are a hot commodity; (3) any hot woman of any age is a hot commodity; and (4) hot white women of any age prefer black men.

My wife got a lot of action. I got none. Certainly, I feel left out but, you know, shit happens. We tried some three-way action (MFM) but my wife didn’t like it. My presence diminished the experience for her. This experiment did nothing for our sex life — it didn’t get worse, but it didn’t get better, either. In fact, after a lot of intense discussion (including a loud dialogue at two in the morning), we realized: (1) the “newness” of a relationship is what gets her hot and bothered; and (2) I am not new, young, or black. Hence, it is not possible for her to be turned on by me.

My ego has taken a serious bodyslam both because of the community’s lack of desire for me and my wife’s lack of interest. My final resolution was to offer her the choice of continued marriage or not, because I couldn’t take it any longer. This has nearly destroyed a twenty-year marriage and my forty-eight-year-old ego. How do I recover from this burst bubble? — Imperfect Harmony"

My response:

The dude just needs to switch sex clubs. There are clubs that cater to swingers who are super into the white girls getting fucked by black guys (called, awfully enough "Zebra Clubs") and it's fairly obvious they stumbled into one (or the wife cleverly picked one.)

That said there are also tons of swingers clubs where everybody gets laid and even clubs where the girls are into being blindfolded and having no clue who is fucking them. They should find one of those clubs.

One option is to go to alt.com and fetlife where you will find that there are young women who fetishize older men (particularly if they have beer bellies.) Use the search terms "daddy's girl" and "petgirl" and he'll find what he's looking for.

Another option is for him to put up an ad on Cuckold Place where there are couples who are into the wife being fucked by another dude and will be pretty much be happy with any dude of any age, race or body type who is willing to play the "bull."

Finally he can join the "I Rock Old Man Cock" Community on LJ.

This community has several hundred women who like fucking guys who are over 40.