December 22nd, 2008

Fuck

Just woke up at 8:30 a.m. and I'm never fucking awake at this time of day but the cleaning woman is coming at 9 a.m. and I just realized I forgot to buy paper towels for her and the light bulb blew out in the laundry room and I'm not sure she speaks enough French or English for me to say "hey, I'll be back in five minutes with paper towels", plus I need to shower and also I'm not sure if stores are open in this godforsaken country at 9 a.m. or not since I've never been out in the world here at 9 a.m.

?

When the cleaning lady arrived this morning she asked me "what do you want me to do?"

I had no idea what to say.

I suspect this will be easier next week when Rome Girl is back.

The Vert Anglais is strange in the morning. Everyone is sober and sensible.

In other news, my knee is no longer swollen, but my back hurts. I wonder if limping for four days put some sort of weird strain on it.

Heebie Jeebies

My doctor and my shrink have told me not to drink coffee, so I haven't had a cup in more than a year.

But, this morning when I was at the Vert Anglais while the cleaning lady was here it was cold and I was seriously tired so I ordered a double espresso with my orange juice.

Holy mother of fuck was that a bad idea.

When my doctor said that coffee could induce anxiety he wasn't kidding.

I'm like fucking terrified of everything around me at the moment. And I'm like worried about Rome Girl's train crashing tomorrow and other assorted things. And I started feeling like everyone was looking at me funny.

I had to stop reading the newspaper because all I could think is "I'm going to be bankrupt and homeless in a year if Arab people don't blow me up before then!"

I hope this works its way out of my system soon.

Writer's Block: Misdirected Mail

Have you ever replied to or cc'ed someone on an email that was definitely not intended for their eyes? Or received one that was about you but wasn't meant for you to read? What was the email about and how did you react?


Yes. After my wife walked out on me with no warning I had a bad breakdown to the point where my dad had to come over to France to take me home for a few months.

We were in an Internet cafe and he was trying to figure out how to use email with a French keyboard and accidentally sent a message to my step-mother about me to his "family" email group which included me.

It ranted about what a complete bitch my soon to be ex wife was, which was fine, but he also told her I was "dangerously emotionally unstable" and was in "the middle of a walking nervous breakdown" which, while true, is not something he really wanted to say to me or that I wanted to read.