December 14th, 2008

Teenage Wasteland

Whenever I hear The Who sing:

"I don't need to fight to prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven."

It makes me smile and want to cry at the same time because it's so fucking beautiful.

What lyric makes you feel the same way?


Writer's Block: Prophecy or Fallacy?

Happy birthday, Nostradamus. Many people consider the prophecies of Nostradamus to be uncannily accurate, while others remain skeptical. Do you think it's possible to predict the future?


In the year of the ladle, the green phoenix will swoop down and eat the ants of peasants while the cock and the antelope will face a great battle what will test the sands of time.

Happiness

My shrink and I were talking about sexuality and such (as one is wont to do with a shrink) the other day and she asked me what made my admittedly odd libido react the most effectively.

I had to think about it for a few minutes and then I realized that what turns me on the most is when Rome Girl is happy. Seriously. When Rome Girl sent me a completely non-sexual email about how happy she was with the freelance lifestyle and hanging out in Rome that turned me on more than any bit of lingerie or porn ever could.

I realized it's always been that way, if she gets a nice phone call from her family or gets good news that's when I want to hold her and hug her and kiss her and make out with her the most.

As I was telling her this I noticed my shrink was making many, many more notes in her notebook than usual.

Also, I'm not sure why I didn't realize this before.

Heat

If they ever arrest any of the Somali pirates or the Pink Panther jewel thieves and I'm on the jury I'm going to vote "not guilty."

I really can't fault anyone for pulling off a jewelry heist or for wanting to be a pirate. I feel the same way about warlords.

Plus, I don't give a shit at all if an oil tanker is stolen from the Saudi government or if a well insured wealthy jewelery store loses a bunch of expensive shiny objects.

Long live the Panthers and Pirates.

Exes

We've all done ridiculous shit because of our exes - and we've all dated some serious fruit loops.

For example, my ex-wife was seriously against cursing and therefore invented her own words and insisted that I use them when I was around her. And, if I fucked up and said "shit" I got a huge lecture about respecting her and sex was off the table for a week or two.

Here are some examples of her language:

Her vagina: Madame Pamplemouse

My cock: Monsieur Bon Bon

Shit: Pooperdoodle

Piss: Tinkerdiddle

Coca Cola: Kilkenclocker (this was because she thought "coca" seemed too close to "cock.")

Fucking: Doing the taxes

Fart: Fluffy Toot or Flufferpoodle

The sad thing is I actually used these words around her - even when we were in public, which much have made me look like the biggest wuss in the world.

So, I'm curious, what's the most ridiculous thing you've done at the urging of one of your exes?