December 5th, 2008

Fuck Me!

So, Metallica is playing Nimes - five minutes from Montpellier - in July and tickets went on sale this morning.

Originally they had said that they would give priority to people who purchased tickets online and that there was an eight ticket limit.

So, George the bartender said if we gave him money he'd go online this morning and buy the tickets - since he' s the only person we know who has a French credit card with a reasonable credit limit.

Then at 9:30 a.m. he calls and wakes me out of the worst hangover I've had in years and tells me that the FNAC website crashed and that there is now a two ticket limit, so if the four of us want to go at least two of us have to head over to FNAC in person and buy the tickets.

I take an ice cold shower, throw on some clothes and meet him at FNAC - where every single dog on a string person in France is waiting in line for tickets. Seriously, not only were he and I the only person in that line who had showered this week, we may have been the only people in line who sleep indoors.

It was at this point that I realize I hadn't taken my morning Xanax - which I take because I'm scared of new people and crowds. So, of course, I start having fantasies about the dog on string people slitting our throats.

Meanwhile George and I both have the hangover shakes and sweats big time.

Then, a protest group invades the mall. Like 600 hippy kids with signs protesting the test you have to take to get into university here. So, of course, the dog on string people start kicking them and throwing beer cans at them and they retaliate and it becomes a huge fucking mess.

But, George and I stay in line - only to be told an hour and a half later that the fucking thing is sold out.

I guess I'll go on eBay in a couple days and see if there are tickets available.

All I know is that I think this may have been the worst and weirdest morning of my life.

Just A Note

Jerking off while thinking about being in a threesome with Rome Girl and Britney Spears is the best hangover cure I've ever discovered.