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November 25th, 2008

Writer's Block: Eat, Drink, Be Merry

Thanksgiving is almost here in the U.S., heralding the start of the holiday season and the first of many meals where you might be confronted with a traditional dish that you happen to find disgusting. What holiday food do you hate to see on the table?

1. Baked kitten.
2. Puppy stew.
3. Hamster pate.
4. Flan covered in cum.
5. Mouse casserole

Working

We are going to have workmen over doing something to our windows from 10 a.m. until roughly 3 p.m. today.

In an ideal world this would end up in some porn fantasy where I got to watch burly builders ravage Rome Girl.

In reality I suspect it will be several dirty French dudes making a lot of noise while Rome Girl and I try to get work done and get grumpy.

From The Freelance Job Boards

Project Description:

In research, fidgetters burns about 500 or even upto 1,000 calories a day simply by fidgeting. And I need a diet ebook about this.

From The Freelance Job Boards Part Deux

Project Description:

Looking for a stone cold killer who can write a long form sales letter that leaves readers weak at the knees and swooning with desire.

This letter will be designed to drive dentists to my website.

Yo! Ho! Ho!

Am I the only one who is amused by the pirates?

Seriously, if I have to pick sides on the Saudi Oil Minister versus Pirates, Pirates win hands down.

I love the fact that they've now hired a spokesman.

What's next as we descend back through the centuries?

Vikings? Are we soon going to see angry swedes in boats trying to pillage foreign lands?

And, you know somewhere Obama is thinking: "The economy. Fine. Two bad wars. Fine. Global warming. I can deal with that. But, am I really a president in the 21st Century who has to deal with fucking pirates? WTF?"

As My Head Explodes

This boggles my mind.

Bush commuted the sentence of a hip hop artist who got caught flying into Newark Airport with 30 pounds of cocaine.

I thought keeping young black men behind bars was sorta the Republican Doctrine.

Also, he pardoned a dude who was poisoning Bald Eagles.

Seriously? The party that wants to make flag burning a crime is ok with people killing our national symbol?

Write Your Own Joke

Ann Coulter's mouth wired shut.

Conversation

"How are you doing," Rome Girl asked.

"I'm grumpy," I replied.

"Why," she said.

"Because I had to get up three hours earlier than usual, we have people drilling stuff in our bathroom, I wont be able to shower before I see my shrink, it's cold, I'm writing an ebook on affiliate marketing and your client who was supposed to pay us yesterday hasn't paid us yet."

"Oh," Rome Girl said. "I really just came out to bum a cigarette. I think I'll stay on my side of the apartment for a while."

June 2019

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