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October 13th, 2008

Squirt

Yay

I finally found a can of tuna my cat likes.

Apparently she's only into albacore in spring water.

If you get her a different genre of tuna or if it's in any type of oil it's not for her.

But, albacore in spring water seems to make her happy.

Of course, it only took three years and lots of experimentation to figure this out.

We've known for two years that she likes a specific type of canned crab meat, but that's like 20 bucks a can, which is fine for her birthday or Christmas, but not for a random treat.

The albacore she's yumming up right now is like two bucks a can - so if she's a good girl she might get it once or twice a week.

Ack!

I used to wake up feeling like shit because I drank too much.

These days I wake up feeling like shit because I played too much Tiger Woods Golf on the Wii.

My arms and back are fucking sore!

Pretty Lesbian

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Chaste Engagement

So, Brides Magazine did a survey and found out that 53 percent of engaged women plan to abstain from sex with their partners for month before the wedding.

WTF?

You mean you seriously want your already stressed out future husband who has probably spent the last six months patiently talking to you about flowers, table settings, cakes and other stuff that he may or may not give a shit about to also be sexually frustrated?

Don't you think that being sexually manipulative for a month before the wedding is a really bad start for your nuptials?

Plus, if dudes find out that buying you a ring means a month without any pump and dump, don't you think they'll be less likely to ask you to marry them in the first place?

I know the survey isn't scientifically accurate, but to get that high a response rate there must be a bunch of women out there who feel this way.

What's the reasoning behind it? Do you want your first fuck as man and wife to last for five seconds? Do you really think it will be more "special" if you hold back?

Hell if I ever got married again I'd want to fuck the girl after the rehearsal dinner, in the morning before the ceremony, in a coat room at the reception and pretty much any time I could find to get my mouth on her pussy.

The News You Need

Lohan is going to dress up as Sarah Palin for Halloween and Ronson is going to dress up as Todd Palin.

I can not fucking wait for the photos.

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The Sound

Our upstairs neighbors are currently playing some rap tune called "Gangster! Gangster!" so loud that Rome Girl wonders if they are killing someone and need to cover up the screams.

The News You Need Part Two

On the set of "Who's Nailin Palin the Hustler produced Sarah Palin satire.

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