September 20th, 2008

Fuck You Harmonix

After spending all week trying to find a new videogame that would be cool I found out yesterday that Rock Band was finally going to be available for Playstation 2 today.

So, I went down and discovered that while I can't afford it for the Wii (which would require buying new guitars and shit) I could afford it for the PS2 because I already have the guitars from Guitar Hero.

I bought it and brought it home with joy in my heart.

Then I stuck it in my Playstation and nothing the fuck happened.

Rome Girl and I then spent three hours cleaning, dusting and generally adjusting the game. We even ran the "diagnostics mode" on the machine - which we never knew existed before.

Finally we went to Google for help - and found out that most people who have bought Rock Band for Playstion 2 can't get it to fucking play.

The reason being that it's a dual layer disk - and only certain models of Playstation 2's can play dual layer disks.

Of course it says nothing about this on the box - and no other game we have ever bought - including all three Guitar Heroes has this problem.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DESIGN AND MARKET A GAME TO PLAYSTATION 2 OWNERS IF IT WON'T WORK ON MOST OF THEIR MACHINES? YOU FUCKING DILDO MUNCHING ASSWIPE DOUCHENOZZLE POO GUZZLERS?

The end result is I wasted three hours of my time and 50 euros on a game I can't play.

I'm going to go back to the game shop tomorrow, but I know they won't give me a full refund because the game is already opened. I'm sure they'll give me something, but I'll still be out of money and unable to play Rock Band.

My only Rock Band option is to buy the thing for the Wii, but because I don't have the guitars for the Wii that would be 144 euros and I've already wasted 50 euros today so that would cause Rome Girl to eat my nuts.

I'm thinking of bringing Rock Band back along with a bunch of other PS2 games I no longer play and seeing what kind of deal they can do me.

Though I suspect that what will happen is they'll just offer me some credit against the PS2 Rock Band and I'll have to pick up some other game.

If that's the case I'll get something for the Wii, since I now no longer trust my old rusty Playstation 2 to play new games.

Ask Me

The Meme where you have to ask the person what the questions are and then promise to put your own answers on your blog.

1. Blonde Lesbian
2. Miss Darling
3. Juan Peron at the height of his power.
4. My stepmom.
5. Me.
6. sushis
7 spqr_ragazza
8. General Pinochet
9. elshastorm
10.Sara Palin
11. Trixee
12. Rome Girl
13. monkey1976
14. Kung Foo Panda Bartender
15. Axl Rose
16. Tex Morgan
17. All Obama supporters.
18. Caspian
19. President Chavez
20. Jeffrey Dahmer.

I Got Game

So, the dudes at the video game store were beyond cool today. It seems I wasn't the only Playstation 2 owner bringing back Rock Band today because it will only work if you've purchased your PS2 in the last 18 months.

They gave me almost full credit on it, but took three of my old PS2 games that I haven't played in a long time and gave me more credit on them than they probably should have - in order to make up for the hassle.

The result is I ended up paying four extra euros and went home with two games for the Wii - Resident Evil - The Umbrella Chronicles and Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07, plus a card that entitles me to 10 percent off anything I purchase for the next year.

Which means this is the only store I'll ever buy video games from ever again. Seriously, getting two games for the Wii in exchange for one Playstation 2 game that doesn't work is a far better deal than I expected.

I thought about getting Star Wars - The Force Unleashed instead of the Resident Evil game, but then I looked at the box and saw that all the dialogue is in French and it doesn't have an English language option.

I then tried the game in French and let me tell you - nothing in the world sounds more gay than Darth Vadar speaking in French during a lightsaber battle.

Resident Evil luckily has an English language option so I will be spared having to listen to zombies in French.

The golf game is in English too, although it really wouldn't bother me if Tiger Woods spoke French. As far as I know he's neither Darth Vadar nor a zombie.

Resident Evil The Umbrella Chronicles

Ok, this game is great.

It has everything good about the other Resident Evil games, in the sense that the entire point is to shoot the hell out of scary things with a variety of nasty weapons.

But, it has none of the bullshit of the older Resident Evil games. You don't wander around, have the chance to get lost, have to search for missing things, etc...

Instead it's set up like Doom. It's a first person shooter and the game automatically moves you to where you have to go. So you just sit back and shoot things.

Also, the huge problem I had with Resident Evil was that if you used your ammo on boss monsters, you'd then be fucked after the boss, because you'd have no ammo left and you'd get killed by bats or something.

This time, every time you die or every time you beat a boss it automatically rebuilds your health and your ammo so you have a fighting chance. With the older Resident Evil games you'd invariably get stuck because you saved your game when you were out of some type of ammo you needed. Not here.

Also, you don't have to deal with the bullshit of combining herbs or going through endless screens to pick your weapons. They are all available to you at the click of a button.

It's a serious hard core point and shoot game - and nothing more.

But, that's all it needs to be.