August 8th, 2008

God Loves Me

A drunk guy at the bar tonight accidentally knocked a pint glass over in a way that caused it to shatter against my leg.

While it ended up looking like I'd pissed myself other than that I was only left with three or four minor cuts - mostly on my feet and lower legs.

Given where the glass hit and shattered it could have been much worse and I might have ended up a soprano.

But I didn't.

Thank you Jesus.

Thank you Lord.

Drugs Are Bad?

This is part of the ongoing argument that Rome Girl and I have where I say that sometimes being young and fucked up can make you a better performer than being older and sober.

As my argument tonight I give you the same song, played by the same people.

In the first case they are all high as a kite and it's 1976. In the second case they are all sober and shit and it's 1997. Watch both.

Then tell me which you like better and tell me why.

I don't care if you agree with me. I just want to hear what you think.

Weird Dream

I had the strangest dream last night.

In the dream Rome Girl and I were visiting my parents in New Jersey. We'd just come in after a long flight so I asked my mom if I could take a shower. I soaped myself up and decided that my hair was too fucked up and needed conditioner.

When I got out of the shower and looked into the mirror I realized that instead of conditioner I'd used my mom's blonde hair die and there were now random streaks of platinum blond in patches around my head.

I dressed and went downstairs and my mom saw the hair and started screaming at me about what the neighbors would think of her "freak boy."

I screamed back that she'd never ever told me what she thought of me but only ever told me what other people thought of me and that she cared more about them then me. She then started beating the shit out of me and I could feel blood run down my lips and my eye start to swell.

I went up to my bedroom and Rome Girl was there and hugged me and tried to comfort me. I kissed her heard with my still bleeding lips and for some reason had an overwhelming urge to make her pregnant.

I bent her over the bed and pulled down her pants. I could smell her pussy juices already and could see them running down her leg. She was wet and as I stood over her my blood mixed with her juices in her pussy before I shoved my cock inside.

"I'm going to make you a mommy," I screamed.

"No," she responded, "you have to pull out. I don't want a baby."

Hearing her say the word "baby" made my cock feel bigger and harder than it had ever felt before and suddenly her pussy started gripping my cock except I found myself thinking of her pussy as "cunt" and then as her womb.

She kept screaming at me to pull out but each time she did so my cock grow harder and her cunt got tighter and I felt more and more aroused and kept picturing my sperm rushing into her cunt and the smell of her cunt juices filled the room.

With each thrust in I loved her more and with each moan of protest I wanted to mark her and see her belly swell and all the time my sweat and my blood were mixing with the sweat and sex juices on her body and it seemed more perfect than perfect.

Then right as I was about to come and give her my child and bind us together forever, just as her pussy/cunt/womb (for I felt all of those words for her vagina at the same time) started to contract on my cock and her screams of "no" turned to moans of "yes" I woke up.


When I go out to get cigarettes for us every afternoon Rome Girl makes me stop in the pastry shop to get her something for lunch.

For the past two days all of the pastries have been covered with a swarm of bees. It completely grosses me out, but Rome Girl still wants the damn pastries.

"They are only bees," she said.

"Yuck," I respond.

This Buds For You

As Gawker points out there has been some pressure on the NCAA to limit beer ads during college basketball games.

To which I say, "WTF?"

The whole purpose of advertising is to show ads to people who might buy your product. And, ever since Prometheus stole hops from the gods, college kids have drunk beer.

Hell, if society was honest with itself about what college kids spend their money on all ads during college sporting events would be for:

1. Booze.

2. Bongs.

3. EPTs

4. Rolling Papers

5. Condoms.