As Gawker reports
The National Inquirer is in some deep financial shit. Unless people start buying a shitload more copies they could go under.
In devious minds like mine this begs the question: what scandal would be big enough to sell an extra one or two million copies. I'll throw out ideas from deep in my reptile brain, but I'd love to hear your suggestions as well:
1. Britney Spears gets pregnant by either Obama or McCain. (If it's McCain he'll win the election hands down.)
2. It's discovered that Lohan has a penis.
3. Bea Arthur/Justin Timberlake/John Travolta love triangle.
4. Hannah Montana pregnant by "Amazing Batboy."
5. Tom Cruise leaves Katie for the underage Ali Lohan or Madonna's brother.
6. The younger Barbara Bush comes out of the closet and tries to break up Lohan/Ronson.
7. Laura Bush announces she's leaving Dubya for David Hasselhoff.
8. Timberlake engaged to Lance Bass.
9. Newt Gingrich announces his long running affair with Bill Clinton.
10. Elvis rises from the grave to run for president as an independent. Chooses Liz Taylor as running mate.