July 9th, 2008

Christie Brinkley Divorce Thing

Normally I could give a shit about celebrity divorce stuff. In general, I'd only care if it turned out that Lohan had been in a secret marriage to Hayden Panettiere and was filing for divorce and custody of Herbie, The Love Bug.

But this Christie Brinkley divorce thing is so, so odd.

Specifically her allegation that the dude spent $3,000 a month on Internet porn.

How is that possible?

Internet porn is free! I don't care if you are into Japanese schoolgirls farting on each other, gay thugs, octoporn, midgets, girls crushing bugs, women in quicksand pits or faked pictures of Bea Arthur blowing dobermans - if you google long enough you'll find it without paying a fucking dime.

The only time you'd ever consider spending any money on Internet porn is if there was a specific actor or actress doing a specific thing that you really wanted to see and nobody had bothered to upload it to Mininova yet. Still, at most that might cost you $30.

Spending $3,000 a month doesn't make you a perve. It makes you fucking stupid.

So, here's my offer to any rich assholes into Internet porn. Tell me your kinks, fetishes and body types Then, send me $1,000 a month. I promise to send you links/movies/galleries etc.. seven days a week tailored to your needs.

You'll save money and get your rocks off - guaranteed.

Another Lame Emo Post

So, I was talking to my shrink yesterday about why The Night Of The Onceler freaked me out to the point where I was feeling damaged, depressed, deranged and drained for days.

We came to a couple of conclusions. Before my parents came here I was so worried about the trip going badly and my mom being a psychopath. Then, she wasn't and things were going very well. Sure, the Onceler was saying weirdo right wing things ("If we'd leveled every city in Iraq we wouldn't have these problems now.") but I can put up with people saying shitty political things. Hell, I hang out in bars and one of the prices of hanging out in bars is listening to people say stupid shit once in a while.

So, by the last night of the trip with everything going really well, I'd built up the expectation that "the entire trip will have gone well. My relationship with my parents has gotten better! I'm mentally healthier! Yay!"

Then, when it all went awful it fucked with my head more than if things had been sorta shitty the entire trip. My defenses were down, so the knife went deeper.

I also feel guilty that I didn't break the guy's nose. He made my girlfriend feel threatened and he was physically intimidating Miss Darling (who also, in retrospect, wishes she'd broken his nose.)

Of course, the reason Miss Darling and I didn't attack him is that Rome Girl and my mom were there and it would have freaked them out. And not resorting to violence even when a guy is daring you to take a swing at him, probably is a mentally healthy thing.

But, it still makes me feel like shit. A year and a half ago I would have picked up a chair and just gotten the job done.

I've also spent some time figuring out why The Onceler behaved like he did. I told my theory to my shrink and she thinks I'm probably not that off.

Montpellier, particularly the part of Montpellier I inhabit must be a very emotionally threatening place to a rich republican guy who lives in a wealthy New Jersey suburb surrounded by other rich republican guys.

The Onceler had never really exposed to people outside his cultural world.

How weird must it have been to be surrounded by men and women who don't care that much about money, to meet married gay couples, talk to open lesbians, hear people admit without shame that they are behind on their rent, smell hash smoked fairly openly and for, the most part, be in the middle of "A Conservative's Worst Nightmare."

What must have been worse was seeing how happy people here are in general - even though we've all rejected the values he's built his life on. (Yes, we all go to therapy, but when we are out with each other we are happy people)

It must have threatened his understanding of the world and his place in it. Over the course of several days he may have felt the need to last out and defend himself.

And Miss Darling and I just happened to be there when the damn burst.

Still, I wish I'd broken his nose.