May 16th, 2008

Chinese Democracy

So, it's now been a month since David Geffen announced that Axl Rose had handed him the masters for Chinese Democracy and still there is no release date for the album.

When queried about this Geffen records executives cite two reasons:

1. Trying to wrangle out legal agreements with the roughly 40 studio musicians who have worked on the album over the past 12 years.

2. The need to figure out the marketing plan for the album.

Both excuses sound like bullshit to me. For one, if you had played bass on a Chinese Democracy track like 10 years ago, by this point you'd probably assume you'd never get paid. So, if some Geffen flunkly showed up with a $10,000 check and a contract you'd probably sign the motherfucker.

For another, what's the fucking point in creating a marketing plan for this album? There are millions of people who are going to want this album no matter what. There are also millions of people who are going to think, "Guns N Roses suck, I'll never buy this album no matter what."

I don't think there are a lot of fence sitters.

I'd assume the problem is that the album sucks, except that the leaked tracks are for the most part decent (two are great, two are good, one is just OK.)

It all makes me wonder what Geffen has up his sleeve.

It's A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

Producer Jeff Mullen of X-Play and All Media Play confirmed to AVN that he is planning a pornographic parody of the beloved children's show 'Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.'

"Mr. Rogers will be teaching sweet young girls about pulling down their pants and exploring their ‘dirty areas'," Mullen told AVN. "We are going to go into the land of the make-believe and fuck it up completely. Puppets are the least of what we are going to be doing, but I can safely say that a few puppets are about to get fucked. This will not be family viewing by any standards, but I really hope to bring back memories for a happier and healthier America."

Open Letter To Grothar

Dear Grothar,

I understand that being the Santharian God of Weather is a tough job. I feel your pain.

But, seriously. You've made it sunny for the past two weeks. During that time I had a lot of work and couldn't go out and enjoy the sun. Also, I was too busy to do laundry.

Today, however, I not only have time to do laundry - I need to do it. Plus, I have a light workday and was really looking forward to sitting in the sun and sipping lemonade.

So, why the fuck are you making it rain? My clothes are never going to fucking dry!!!

What the fuck do you want me to do? I'd be happy to cut the heart out of a goat, throw a virgin into a volcano (really, who needs virgins) or set fire the temple of the rival god of your choice.

Just please, whip out your inner George Harrison and give me some fucking sun!




On of the cuckold forums I was just looking at has a member who has named himself "My_testes_your_earrings"

I can't for the life of me figure out what he's trying to communicate with that nom de plume.