May 13th, 2008


When I was writing blog entries today I was fucked up.

What happened was that I passed out drunk at like 9 p.m. Sunday night and woke up at 4 a.m. today completely awake.

Then,I made a joke about Radar writer, Balk.

Who knew he would link to me.

If I had known, I would have spell checked my entry even though I was feeling like hungover death today.

Anyway, thank you Balk and thank you Balk's Cock.



This will only make sense to those people who know me really well.

But, for those people let me rant.

My stepmom after failing to get me to react about my ex wife on Sunday, started asking me today about when I'll be back in Barcelona.

And, let me tell you, that question cuts much more to the bone than questions about my ex wife does and is a much more open wound.

I was still calm, but I'm about ready to lose it.

The Barcelona question hurts.

The Heebie Jeebies

Thank god I'm seeing my shrink today. I've been completely stressed out since talking to my stepmom on Sunday. I wasn't able to write yesterday and work is piling up. I need to get some stuff written today or else I'll start pissing off clients, but I just have no motivation.

The stress feels almost physical. Bad sleep, stomach cramps, a lack of desire to eat much. All I want to do is chain smoke and sip beer.

My parents are going to be out here in June and I can't wait to see my dad, who I haven't seen in two years. But, with my stepmom clearly baiting me to start a fight with her, I'm really dreading her being here for three days.

I don't want her to embarrass me in this very small and gossipy town. I worry she'll say something to Rome Girl that will hurt Rome Girl. I'm terrified she's say something to me about Rome Girl or Trixie that will just push my buttons too far.

On the other hand, sometimes she's very nice and charming. So, I'm also worried that she'll be really nice and then I'll feel like a piece of shit and a bad son for being scared of her arrival.

Meanwhile, she's told my dad that she's thinking of not coming, so my dad has asked me to encourage her to come - a request that is tearing my soul apart.

So, I'm being nice. I respect my father and will follow his wishes.

But, I'm still sitting in the land of the horrible heebie jeebies.

Helpless, Helpless, Helpless, Helpless

The Pentagon may start giving out Purple Hearts for psychological wounds.

Now, that's all well and good. Fuck, I understand mental health issues. But, here's my question:

Is there anyone in the military who wouldn't qualify? If you are sent to Iraq or Afghanistan you are asked to kill other human beings and/or constantly worry for months at a time about getting shot or blown the fuck up.

Who wouldn't have psychological injuries? Is there some super Alpha Male out there who's going to come home and start working at the local Wal Mart as though nothing had happened?

Shit, I bet even President Bush has psychological injuries from this war at this point.