May 7th, 2008

Squirt

Don't Tell The Food Dude - I Wrote A Song!

I was talking with a friend of mine, said her owner had bought her fish.
Told her that he loved her so and turned around and washed her dish.
Then she said, "never sniff his socks - it's worse than your litter box.
And some day he'll eat fries and joke about your size."

My daddy is fat.
My daddy is fat.
He sure loves his beers.
My daddy is fat.

Listen mommy, can't you see? daddy loves pork and cheese
He's giving the new pub a try , eating steak and fries.
And you know you better watch your step or you're gonna get big yourself.
Daddy's gonna give you food while he's acting rude.

My daddy is fat.
My daddy is fat.
He sure loves his beers.
My daddy is fat.

'cause somewhere deep down inside
Someone is saying, "bacon tastes awesome."
I got this feelin' inside night and day
that pork is always forlorn.

My daddy is fat.
My daddy is fat.
He sure loves his beers.
My daddy is fat.

Yay!

This morning I was 35 days behind on the rent.

Now, I'm only five days behind on the rent.

Handing cash to the landlord never felt so good!

The Hardest Part

I've been listening to Tom Petty's Greatest Hits a lot the past couple days and am struck by something:

All of these songs are really, really sad, angry or both.

There isn't a happy song in the mix - which is weird since Petty is essentially a laid back stoner dude.

Best Gawker Blind Item Ever.

Who is your guess?

"I guess [this actress] is C list now, although she does still have A list name recognition. She isn't cheap, but she sure does cost less than some of those hookers who have been in the news. From what I understand if you would like to have this woman who used to be fairly good looking but now is just a washed up mess be your companion, you do need to hire her for at least a week. You need to spend your entire time with her outside the United States and provide her airfare to and from the States. There are no guarantees she will even come close to remaining sober throughout your time together, but she does only charge $50,000 for the week. She also claims she is drug and disease free but I think she is referring to drugs of the injectable variety."

I'm guessing Tara Reid but only because I don't think anyone considers Lohan C-list yet.

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