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April 21st, 2008

Rising To My Natural Level

Today on another blog a woman described me as "creepy" and "very average-looking at best." Both of which are true and I thank her for taking the time to notice.

She also described Rome Girl as both "imaginary" and "from another country."

I suspect spqr_ragazza would disagree.

She also rants about "weird fat girls" trying to take her job.

This is the type of specialness that makes me love the Internet.

Ugg!

So, I went down to my graphic designer's back to deposit his share of the cash a client just paid us.

When I got there, the bank told me they no longer accept cash deposits.

WTF????

Next on my list of errands was to reserve a room for my parents in a hotel on the Place de la Comedie.

They are all fucking already booked up for the time my parents want to be here!

Fuck!

Total errand run fuck ups.

From The Freelance Job Boards

Project Description:

I am a busy professional in London in need of a personal assistant to help with online social networking and online dating activities.

This would require a virtual assistant who possesses creativity, tact, charm and excellent English writing skills. I would like to try your services for a short time initially, and enter into a longer term arrangement if successful.

Typical tasks will include: Maintaining profile pages. Screening entries at specific online dating sites. Contacting females on my behalf. Communicating by E-mail, MSN and other tools. Scheduling dates.

Please let me know
- Did you do this kind of work in the past?
- What is your hourly price?
- How many people work in your business, and how are you organised?
- How do you protect personal information?

Kind regards.

Budget: $1,000 to $5,000

From The Freelance Job Boards

If only I understood how Excel works.

Project Description:

We need a list of american english bad words & cusswords (profanity, racial slurs, sexual remarks) listed in seperate rows in an excel sheet.

(no subject)

PHILADELPHIA -- Chelsea Clinton stopped traffic Friday night as she wandered the streets of Philadelphia on a gay bar crawl, winning rave reviews for both her politics and her appearance.

Led around the neighborhood by Gov. Ed Rendell, Chelsea was mobbed by local gays and lesbians, as she walked from one club to the next. They ran up to hug her, posed for pictures and certainly invaded her personal space.

“I grabbed her ass,” one young woman exclaimed to her friends after snapping a picture with her arm around the former first daughter.

“Chelsea, the gays love you!” one fan exclaimed, as she took the microphone at Bump, a restaurant and bar that was her first stop.

Last Zombie Strippers Post

Until I see the movie.

I love that that the film is set in Sartre, Nebraska, the strip club is called Rhinoceros and the strip club owner is named Ian Essko.

Seriously, somebody with a lit degree was involved in this movie.

I Am Stupid Sometimes

At Rome Girl's desk is a really comfortable chair.

At my desk is a really uncomfortable chair.

She's been away for two weeks and I just realized that I could switch chairs while she's gone.

From Craig's List Via Gawker

I swear I did not write this.

"For the longest time, I have admired the dynamic between this cross species couple. But then, sometime during the 80s, a commercial for the Muppets: Live on Stage added a new dimension. In it, a stretch limousine was pulling up in front of a theater. A footman opened the door, and a shapely, rather thick leg stepped onto the red carpet. As the rest of the form followed, it was revealed that it belonged to a woman wearing a full bodied Miss Piggy costume under an alluring evening dress. AND I WANTED HER. And, to be quite honest, I've never stopped.

Some time ago, I found an original full head rubber Miss Piggy mask, circa 1977, complete with a full head of long blond hair. I am looking for a tall, sexy BBW, preferably over 300 pounds, to wear this mask to bed. She should also be open to playing with plastic wrap and liquid latex. Blonde is best, I suppose, but not necessary. Who knows – for the right woman I might just get a green rubber suit and a Kermit mask."

The Cold Six Thousand

I love that James Ellroy is not only a great writer but also batshit crazy on a level that makes me look sane.

Just take a look a small sample of what he's quoted as saying in Saturday's Newark Star Ledger:

"Some innocent guy gets fried once in a while, I can live with that"

and

"Hillary looks like a bull dyke in a pantsuit, but at least she seems serious," he snarls. "McCain looks like Mr. Magoo. Obama looks like a f---ing lemur, a little rodent-like creature, a marsupial or something, I don't know. Jesus, I have no idea of what's going on in the world anymore. Where's Ronald Reagan, now that I really need him?"

and

"A woman from the New York Times interviewed me once and said what do you do at night? I said I talk to women who aren't in the room with me. She said, are they in your bathroom? She really didn't get it. I said no, they're in my brain. And that's the truth. They're in my soul, and by and large, at night, that's what I do. I lie in my bed, in the dark. And I talk to women who are not there."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I also love that on Gawker someone commented: "After writing "American Tabloid" Ellroy can come out in favor of raping babies and I'd have to at least consider his position on the matter."

Stew

"I really like the way stew smells when it's cooking," Rome Girl has said. "But I'm always disappointed by the taste."

Hence why I rarely cook stew when she's around. But tonight, since it's been cold for days, and she's not around, I decided I'd do a stew.

It seems, however, that other people had the same idea, so that all of the beef and veal stew meat were sold out when I got to the store.

What was left was pork stew meat - and I've never made a pork stew before.

But, fuck it, I really wanted stew.

So, I decided to improvise. With beef stew I tend to use Guinness as the base. With veal I tend to use lager.

But, it sorta felt like hops things would be wrong.

This is how I'm cooking it and who the hell knows how it will turn out:

Cheap Red Wine

Parsley

Sage

Rosemary

Thyme

Pepper

Salt

Potatoes

Baby Peas

Olive Oil

I'll let you know if I end up eating it or if it becomes cat food for the rest of the week.

Musings

I almost always see my shrink twice a week and sometimes three times a week. But last Thursday she locked her keys in her office so tomorrow will be the first time in almost a year that I've gone a full week without seeing her.

It sorta throws me for a loop. In general, and I hope I'm not the only one who does this, I kinda rehearse what I'm going to say to her. Just so I won't waste my time.

And, the way it works in France is that you are not stuck to the 50 minute sessions you get in America. Sometimes a session is 15 minutes, sometimes it's close to two hours. It depends on how much progress she thinks you are making in the session.

So, of course, you try to think of the stuff that will get you the most progress (hello transference!!! I want my gold star!)

Generally, if I've been away for only two or three days it's not hard to figure out what to bring up.

But now it's been a week!

Fuck!! So many options!

1. The weird paranoia about sending Rome Girl the bank card that made me almost afraid to leave the apartment.

2. My growing temptation - which I have not given into - to start on four Xanax instead of three a day.

3. How much I fucking miss my girlfriend?

4. The stalker who has spent three days telling me I'm an unattractive loser, ranting against fat girls, telling me that Rome Girl does not exist and is now trashing me on her own blog after giving charlotte_webb shit?

5. How weird I feel about using Rome Girl's chair - even though she isn't here?

6. My weird obsession with rereading books I read years ago?

What the fuck?

Too many choices!

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