April 16th, 2008

Bear Code

Today I'm writing about the slang bears use in their personal ads. Some of it is quite amusing.

An otter, for example, is a gay man bottom who is very hairy, but doesn't have much of a beer belly. A wolf, on the other hand, is an otter who tops.

A bear run is a sex party for gay men.

A cub is a young bear.

To "leave the forest" is to come out of the closet.

A bear's best female friend is called his "Goldilocks."

A "Brokeback" is a closeted bear in a rural or midwestern area.

Locked Out

My shrink called to cancel because she locked her keys in her office.

Part of me wanted to ask her "How do you feel about locking your keys in your office? What do you think your subconscious is trying to tell you? Have you ever locked yourself out of your office before?"

Why Technology Sucks

Rome Girl and I were just in a bitter three day fight which consisted of me saying "Why the fuck don't you pick up the phone when I call?" and her saying "Why the fuck don't you respond to my text messages?"

She responded that I had not called her once. I countered that I had not gotten one text message from her.

Both of us assumed that the other was on a week long bender and just trying to justify being a dick/bitch.

It turns out that when she got to Rome and got her pay as you go phone she had typed in the wrong phone number for me. Therefore her text messages never got to me and because it was a used cell phone she never picked up when I called, because she assumed it was a random asshole calling her.

How it took us this long to figure this out I'm not sure.

But, it's a lesson to everyone. Sometimes when the girl or guy doesn't seem to call, it's not that they are an asshole, it's that the technology has fucked them.