March 16th, 2008

The Pepsi Challenge

So, today I tried Cialis as an alternative to viagra.

And let me tell you viagra is much, much better.

Both work in the sense that no matter how many "not go crazy pills" you happen to be on, you'll still pop wood when your woman makes out with you.

But Viagra gives you a wood that feels like a lumber log. It throbs and demands attention. Cialis simply gives you enough timber to ride her river.

Yes, both allow you to get laid properly, but Cialis just didn't feel right. In other words, when I looked down at my dick it was clearly way hard and when I fucked it felt good. The problem is I had to look down at my dick to realize how hard it was.

Viagara not only makes you hard it makes you "feel" really, really hard. It gives you a level of desire and need that is a total headrush. Cialis simply gets the job done.

The downside to viagara is that it makes you feel somewhat stoned and makes everything look a little bit blue.

Cialis doesn't have that effect.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But as a dude I'd rather feel like a Redwood than a Lincoln Log.

Palpatine Promises Swift Iraq Victory

CORUSCANT - (AP)-- Sith Party Presidential Candidate Sen. Palpatine promised to end the Iraq war with an "overwhelming force leading to a chilling and absolute victory over the insurgency."

Palpatine was making an appearance on Late Night With David Letterman when he made the announcement. He explained to the talk show host that he had a "secret plan" to add hundreds of thousands of additional troops to the area.

"Under my administration the military will no longer have any problems meeting and exceeding any and all recruiting efforts," Palpatine said. "We can literally triple our forces overnight while hunting down each and every collaborator, insurgent and traitor."

The senator also said that he would end the ban on stem cell research and provide full federal funding for genetic research.

Meanwhile Han Solo, who is the running mate of Independent Candidate Admiral Adama, convened a press conference to quell rumors that he is not qualified to be a heartbeat away from the presidency.

"I am not now, and nor have I ever been a scruffy nerf herder," Solo said.

The Obama campaign, which has been languishing in the polls since Adama and Palpatine entered the campaign said that Palpatine's plans would be divisive and expand military funding to unacceptable levels.

"We need to help Iraq unite, not bring the country to it's knees," Obama said. "Palpatine talks about America as though we are a modern empire. But, we Americans are a peaceful people. We would rather have no weapons."

Senate Investigates Obama "Inappropriate" Relationship

NEW YORK - (AP) - The New York Times has received documents suggesting that Sen. Obama may have had an inappropriate relationship with a lobbyist roughly eight years ago.

According to the documents, provided by the Senate Oversight Committee, Sen. Obama's advisors were concerned about his relationship with a woman who is referred to in congressional transcripts as "Number Six."

The woman is described as a former corporate consultant for IT infrastructure companies, who later became the chief lobbyist for the Skynet Corporation.

Sen. Obama said the charges were baseless and that he only met "Number Six" during two fact finding tours.

"We had productive discussions on how artificial intelligence could be integrated into the overall global computer network," Obama said. "This could change our future!"

Independant Candidate Former Admiral William Adama said whether Obama had sexual relations with "that woman" or not , it demonstrates a lack of judgment on the Illinois Senator's part.

"For all we know this woman may be working for the Cylons," Adama said.

In other news Sith Party Candidate Sen. Palpatine scheduled a press conference at a Wall Street location on Monday morning to announce his running mate.