March 11th, 2008

Spitzer Swallows

Yes, New York Governor Elliot Spitzer was paying good money to bang high end escorts.

Yes, New York Governor Ellion Spitzer may have been a dick.

But, no, he wasn't a dick because he paid money to bang high end escorts and it sucks that this is what will bring him down politically.

Let me be blunt in my opinion and for once use all caps: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ESCORTS AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH GOING TO ESCORTS.

I've known a lot of escorts in my time. While I've never had the money to hire an escort for myself, I've written a lot of ads for escorts. I've also through this blog and through Gawker met a lot of escorts outside of my job.

Here is an example that documents my feelings about escorts.

I have spent some time in brothels - particularly when I was 20 and was in a country where brothel entertainment could be had for two bucks a night.

So, I guess you could say I've known about the escort and call girl community for roughly 19 years and let me say again THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ESCORTS AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH GOING TO ESCORTS.

People may have disagreed with how he ran New York.

That's fine.

That's fair.

But what would not be fine or fair is if his career dies because of this silly sexual scandal.

Sex always has a price. Sometimes the price is emotional. Sometimes the price is physical. Sometimes the price is financial. But it always costs something.

And, you know what, almost every escort I've ever met has been a pretty decent lady.

And if you condemn their clients you condemn them to.

At the end of the day they provide an honest service for men who are willing to pay an honest price for it.

I'm sorry if that's hard for you to swallow.

For Immediate Release

CORUSCANT - (AP)-- Sen. Palpatine (Sith - Naboo) today condemned New York Gov. Elliot Spitzer's alleged involvement with a prostitution ring.

"This shows the continued moral failing of the Democratic Party," said the two term represenative who is currently running for president. "Under a Sith Party administration we would deal with violations of the law strictly but fairly. I can honestly say that justice would be both swift and absolute."

The Senator used the scandal to make the case that the Sith Party represents a chance for voters to move past the gridlock and scandals that plague both Democrats and Republicans.

"Under Republican leadership we risk having too much religious influence in the White House," Palpatine said. "My representatives have a strong history of removing religious leaders from the political process."

"The Democrats, on the other hand," the Senator continued, "are known for being soft on crime and security issues. Under my leadership we would hunt down and eliminate suspected terrorists without mercy."

The Senator has hinted that he would appoint his current chief of staff, Anakin Skywalker, as Attorney General. Skywalker, a well known death penalty advocate, has risen from a life of poverty and near servitude to become a popular political figure after several years of military service.

Democrat and Republican leaders have asserted that Palpatine is too "out of the Beltway" to become an effective president, but Palpatine has said this concern is ungrounded.

"Fear will keep Congress in line," he said at a rally in Pittsburgh Friday night.

Breaking News

NEW CAPRICA - (AP) - In a surprise move, retired Admiral William Adama announced that he will seek the U.S. Presidency, running as an Independent.

"I think the voters of America know that they are not fairly represented by the current crop of candidates," Adama said in a prepared statement. "Neither Obama, McCain nor Palpatine can deliver the kind of change this country deserves."

In a question and answer session on CNN's Larry King Live last night, Adama said he was particularly motivated to join the race by the unexpectedly high poll numbers for Sith Party Candidate Sen. Palpatine.

"His supporters remind me of zombies or clones," Adama said. "And we believe that his chief of staff, Anakin Skywalker may, in fact, be a cylon. In these dangerous times that's an unacceptable risk."

When contacted by the Associated Press, Skywalker denied being a cylon.

"While I have undergone extensive reconstructive surgery, I can assure the voting public that I am human," Skywalker said. "I find it disturbing that the admiral would use my medical history against me."

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg said today's announcement will "change the fundamental dynamics of the race."

"My gut feeling," Bloomberg said,"is that while Adama might not be able to win on his own, a joint Palpatine/Adama ticket might be unbeatable."

While Palpatine's poll numbers have been surging, the McCain and Obama campaigns have been gaining ground by questioning his voting record in support of strip mining the spice mines of Kessel and have suggested that he may have employed illegal campaign tactics.

"We've had reports that people have entered voting booths intending to vote for me, but found themselves unexpectedly drawn to select Palpatine," Obama said. "The Federal Election Commision has made it clear that it is a violation to employ Jedi Mind Tricks within 500 yards of polling stations."

Both Palpatine and Adama have said security issues would be the main goals of their administrations.