March 7th, 2008

When I'm Wrong, I'm Wrong

I totally thought "Fuck you, pay me" originated in David Mamet's Glengary Glen Ross.

Apparently it was first used in Marty's Goodfellas.

I've been schooled by my loyal readers.

But this is the benefit of having a blog - I do learn when I've fucked up.

Anyway, sorry for doubting you guys at first.

Polite Anal Sex - A Night At Vert Anglais The Best Bar In Montpellier

Was back at Vert Anglais tonight for the Thursday night band night of The Waves.

For the first time in three weeks both halves of Woody Allen Film Reference were there.

Along the way we got into a discussion about this guy they know.

The heart of the discussion involves two facts about him:

1. He's the most polite guy anyone has ever seen.

2. His girlfriend wants to remain a virgin until marriage, so they only have anal sex.

This led to a debate: "How the fuck do you have polite anal sex?"

Do you say "Excuse me, can I shove my cock up your shitter?"

I mean isn't the whole point of anal sex that it's somewhat rude? And wouldn't you almost need to spank her ass and say rude things to her while you were doing it? Otherwise, what's the point?

Think about it.

You have to get out a bottle of lube. Then you have to finger the ass with the lube. Then you have to lube up your cock. Then you have to ease it in and hope you don't hit a "turtle" (the porn slang term for a turd that would block full entry.)

Finally you are balls deep in her ass, but she's convinced you are not "fucking" because your dick isn't in her vajayjay. But you are probably playing with her clit, assuming you are a guy who like gives a shit about her cumming before you splooge.

And then you cum inside her and she has an orgasm but you are both convinced she is still a virgin.

What a lot of fucking effort when there is a self lubricating hole like two inches away.

Anyway the conversation then denigrated to the point where I was telling them about the Tony Blair press secretary who I once did a dirty weekend with who then sent me a pair of her panties from 10 Downing Street with a compliments slip from Tony Blair. (If you are American just google "compliments slip")

Then they were telling me how hard it is in France to find a boy who just wants to fuck and will then go the fuck away, because every French boy assumes you are like mated for life the second you touch his dick.

There's more, but all in all it was a night of all of us getting nicely drunk, listening to a good band, being in a great bar, and just venting about our sexual histories.

And, that's fun.

Particularly with two cute blond babes.